Saturday, 14 November 2009
brain overdrive in 15mins
*2007hrs: boarded 852 at church bus stop, thanked God that I managed to get a seat, 'cos I'm really tired*
*2010hrs: boy A and girl B sat in front of me, grandmas C and D sat behind me*
*2015hrs:
C: ".. but now no more deposit already, so you need to have $3 in your ez-link card.."
D: "But I paid the $5 what."
C: "No, that is non-refundable, it's the cost of the card."
A: "I don't mind being the bad guy, if you want. I can give her a slap in the face the next time..."
B: "No, but that's not the point. She's just so..."
A: "You mean she expects us to treat her nice and she treats us like that? It's not fair what. I mean, we can choose to be nice and forgiving, but some people just want to be your friend when things are good, and then... but that's not what friends are what?"
B: "Yah, but..."
~vibration in my jeans, hoping that it's not a phonecall, realises that the vibration persists and just dread looking at the number~
~takes out the phone, realises it's corrine. Ends the phonecall, and thank God that it's not another of those calls which asks me to do stuff~*
And I tried to recall..
the first time I had such a strong dislike for someone
the first time I really felt like I hated someone
the first time I tried to mediate a conflict between 2 friends
the first time I had such raw emotions associated with youth
the first time those feelings of crush crept into my heart
the first time I looked at someone with non-platonic interest
the first time I had those intense feelings of affection
the first time I listened to a friend pour out his heart
the first time I poured out my heart to someone
the first time I thought I found my best friend
the first time your lips touched mine
the first time I couldn't control myself
the first time I went crazy
Well, not all I have answers nor experienced..
*2020hrs: C's phone rang.
C：“我刚才打给你，你没有接。”
C：“没有，我是要跟你讲，桌子上有面包。”
C：“你要记得绑好，然后盖起来。”*
原来，我们的生命就是充满着许多琐琐碎碎的事－终日劳劳碌碌，尚且须要打理忙不完的琐事。但，不是吗？其实生命就是这些小小的事凑起来的！你大概不会花太多心思或时间去烦恼它们的落成。它们已组成了我们生活的架构－一切其他的事物乃绕着它们走啊！
*2022hrs: alighted the bus at the interchange, saw that 947 only had one bus parked at the berth with its lights on, but without driver, instinctively walked out to the bus stop to wait for other buses. Just before I reached the bus stop, 947 zoomed past and I was too lazy to run after it. Finally reached the bus stop, saw an incoming bus and realised it was 176.*
And the first thought that came to mind - 'choice/decision - it's such a bitch, isn't it?'
And inevitably I went back to that point in my life where I had to make that decision, and till now I still wonder if I should have.. or not. And it's that kind of question that no one else can answer, nor can I myself truthfully answer with certainty. I really don't know.
And then even for many other decisions, with every step that you take, you just fear that it's gonna be horrible and that you'll regret. Then there's always those Hobson's choice, false dilemma, Morton's fork.. and then there's always that Nelsonian knowledge..
*2028hrs: 187 came, took out my wallet, happened to flip it open and saw the photo of my sis and I*
And it just suddenly struck how much my love for my sister has evolved and manifested itself in so many different ways of varying degrees along the years...
*2029hrs: there was this small boy who started screaming and making quite a bit of noise*
And I wondered why I really dislike small little kids that much. And I really wonder if I'll ever have kids of my own, and how I will survive when I really do have them..
*2030hrs: the boy pressed the bell repeatedly and the mum was all nice about it*
And I really can't help but think, if back then, 15 years ago, I was the one standing on the seat and pressing the bell repeatedly, what would my parents do to me? And I see the stark contrast between parents-children today and parents-children of the past. And I recognise that the dynamics of such a complex relationship will only be even more varied when my generation assumes the parenting role.
And I thought back about my childhood, which suddenly gave me this crippling feeling. I don't know why, but everytime I recall and think about my childhood, this strong sense of paralysis just grabs me from within and I can't explain it. It just comes. Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist to figure things out eh. Anyhows, I figured, just give me my bouts of emo times when I need 'em and I'll move on once I've had my fill.
*2010hrs: boy A and girl B sat in front of me, grandmas C and D sat behind me*
*2015hrs:
C: ".. but now no more deposit already, so you need to have $3 in your ez-link card.."
D: "But I paid the $5 what."
C: "No, that is non-refundable, it's the cost of the card."
A: "I don't mind being the bad guy, if you want. I can give her a slap in the face the next time..."
B: "No, but that's not the point. She's just so..."
A: "You mean she expects us to treat her nice and she treats us like that? It's not fair what. I mean, we can choose to be nice and forgiving, but some people just want to be your friend when things are good, and then... but that's not what friends are what?"
B: "Yah, but..."
~vibration in my jeans, hoping that it's not a phonecall, realises that the vibration persists and just dread looking at the number~
~takes out the phone, realises it's corrine. Ends the phonecall, and thank God that it's not another of those calls which asks me to do stuff~*
And I tried to recall..
the first time I had such a strong dislike for someone
the first time I really felt like I hated someone
the first time I tried to mediate a conflict between 2 friends
the first time I had such raw emotions associated with youth
the first time those feelings of crush crept into my heart
the first time I looked at someone with non-platonic interest
the first time I had those intense feelings of affection
the first time I listened to a friend pour out his heart
the first time I poured out my heart to someone
the first time I thought I found my best friend
the first time your lips touched mine
the first time I couldn't control myself
the first time I went crazy
Well, not all I have answers nor experienced..
*2020hrs: C's phone rang.
C：“我刚才打给你，你没有接。”
C：“没有，我是要跟你讲，桌子上有面包。”
C：“你要记得绑好，然后盖起来。”*
原来，我们的生命就是充满着许多琐琐碎碎的事－终日劳劳碌碌，尚且须要打理忙不完的琐事。但，不是吗？其实生命就是这些小小的事凑起来的！你大概不会花太多心思或时间去烦恼它们的落成。它们已组成了我们生活的架构－一切其他的事物乃绕着它们走啊！
*2022hrs: alighted the bus at the interchange, saw that 947 only had one bus parked at the berth with its lights on, but without driver, instinctively walked out to the bus stop to wait for other buses. Just before I reached the bus stop, 947 zoomed past and I was too lazy to run after it. Finally reached the bus stop, saw an incoming bus and realised it was 176.*
And the first thought that came to mind - 'choice/decision - it's such a bitch, isn't it?'
And inevitably I went back to that point in my life where I had to make that decision, and till now I still wonder if I should have.. or not. And it's that kind of question that no one else can answer, nor can I myself truthfully answer with certainty. I really don't know.
And then even for many other decisions, with every step that you take, you just fear that it's gonna be horrible and that you'll regret. Then there's always those Hobson's choice, false dilemma, Morton's fork.. and then there's always that Nelsonian knowledge..
*2028hrs: 187 came, took out my wallet, happened to flip it open and saw the photo of my sis and I*
And it just suddenly struck how much my love for my sister has evolved and manifested itself in so many different ways of varying degrees along the years...
*2029hrs: there was this small boy who started screaming and making quite a bit of noise*
And I wondered why I really dislike small little kids that much. And I really wonder if I'll ever have kids of my own, and how I will survive when I really do have them..
*2030hrs: the boy pressed the bell repeatedly and the mum was all nice about it*
And I really can't help but think, if back then, 15 years ago, I was the one standing on the seat and pressing the bell repeatedly, what would my parents do to me? And I see the stark contrast between parents-children today and parents-children of the past. And I recognise that the dynamics of such a complex relationship will only be even more varied when my generation assumes the parenting role.
And I thought back about my childhood, which suddenly gave me this crippling feeling. I don't know why, but everytime I recall and think about my childhood, this strong sense of paralysis just grabs me from within and I can't explain it. It just comes. Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist to figure things out eh. Anyhows, I figured, just give me my bouts of emo times when I need 'em and I'll move on once I've had my fill.
22:06; The Pianist'
Thursday, 5 November 2009
qualifications, disclaimers, pre-emptive measures..
Been thinking about this habit of mine for eons. Maybe it's not so much a habit, but pretty much in my character. Whatever the case, it was brought up quite some time ago by a friend, procrastinated in penning this entry, subsequently matriculated into law school and realised how true it was and its attached extensions.
Two main points on the basic situation:
1) I tend to qualify myself in whatever I say, giving tons of disclaimers to certain things.
2) I tend to, upon receiving someone's feedback and reply to my proposition, acknowledge their viewpoint and then simply going on to dismiss them and put mine across - what it looks like is that I seem to have taken into account a person's perspective when in reality, I merely acknowledged his viewpoint without giving much consideration - or at least, that's what my friend pointed out in those observations/comments about me.
First things first, I'll admit to the first point. Well, I can be pretty insecure about myself, about my thoughts (and yes God knows why I'm putting my thoughts to public scrutiny in the cyber world). Sometimes when people point out my blatant error (which I didnt see it so plainly initially), and I realise that it was sheer ignorance on my part and there's no way out of it, then yeah, I'll just remark major fail, attempt to laugh at myself, and make light out of the whole situation. After all, if you have made a mistake, best to acknowledge and admit it than to spiral down the path of further mistakes and embarrassment, while at the same time amusing your friends and providing some comic relief. But such innocuous situations aside, to caveat my remarks and statements are but a way of showing a balanced consideration, and more importantly to give myself a back-door. You can pretty much think of it as a disclaimer or exclusion/limitation clause in a contract/agreement kind of thing. Yes, it does get irritating for some people to talk to me but I guess, that'll just be one of my idiosyncrasies that ain't likely to change.
As for the second issue of discounting and dismissing people's opinions, I'll admit, too, that sometimes I'm guilty of that, but definitely not all the time, notwithstanding the ostensible circumstances. Sometimes, I rebut pretty quickly because the alternative proposed has streaked through my mind before, at some point in time; sometimes, I am just being insecure and it's a defence mechanism that kicks up when I feel that the other party is being vindictive or exploitative; sometimes, it's to see how well-thought-through the person is of his idea, and how strongly he feels for it. Nonetheless, it's palpable (or so I hope) that if you feel sufficiently strongly for something and once again puts it across to me, I will, at the end of the day, listen to you properly and evaluate that alternative.
And if you are one of those who simply can't stand this trait of mine, then it's really a pity because I doubt it'll go away. Especially after 3 months in law school, I'll admit that it manifests itself in many more ways than I could have imagined. When Prof Arun asks a question, there's an impulse to shoot off my mouth my exact thoughts and feelings, but I've learnt from experience that I'll be immediately thrown with the alternative view. So it turns out, when I want to say something, I'll come up with something contradictory to what I wanted to say, and then the battle of ideas takes place inside my mind and I start to trail off. Or when someone asks me something, my mind immediately splits into both sides, or if you want, half of my brain is wearing the Black Hat, and the other half is wearing the Yellow Hat. It pretty much takes place simultaneously, though yes, I know it goes against the teachings of Edward De Bono's 6 Thinking Hats.
Anyhows, I've finally thought through it, and gone through with this entry, and I can (pretty proudly, I must say) say that qualifications, disclaimers and pre-empt are just ways by which I function. I'm not saying it's a good or a bad thing, though it really gets irritating when I realise that almost after every viewpoint/stand I state, the word 'but' immediately follows. Indeed, sometimes on MSN while chatting with friends I had already typed out my but-statements, but I chose to press the backspace key and left it open. Sometimes it's easier that way, sometimes it aint.
To the friend who brought up the issue, at the very least, thanks for being truthful and honest in telling me and I really appreciate it. I won't say that I'll change 'cos I know I probably won't. BUT, I know now that I'll take note and be more wary of the impressions I'm giving people. Now, whenever I qualify with a 'but' after any sentence, it's pretty much instinctive to wonder whether there's really that absolute need for that. And I know that if there's no need for it, or if I can afford to just suspend myself in time for that few seconds and really put some serious thought into the alternative proposition, and to show that I really am giving thought to a person's opinion, then it would be a win-win situation - I don't jump to conclusions, nor rush through a hasty evaluative process, and the person will feel much appreciated, valued and encouraged, bolstering his sense of security and esteem in providing constructive alternative intellectual discourse in the future.
Two main points on the basic situation:
1) I tend to qualify myself in whatever I say, giving tons of disclaimers to certain things.
2) I tend to, upon receiving someone's feedback and reply to my proposition, acknowledge their viewpoint and then simply going on to dismiss them and put mine across - what it looks like is that I seem to have taken into account a person's perspective when in reality, I merely acknowledged his viewpoint without giving much consideration - or at least, that's what my friend pointed out in those observations/comments about me.
First things first, I'll admit to the first point. Well, I can be pretty insecure about myself, about my thoughts (and yes God knows why I'm putting my thoughts to public scrutiny in the cyber world). Sometimes when people point out my blatant error (which I didnt see it so plainly initially), and I realise that it was sheer ignorance on my part and there's no way out of it, then yeah, I'll just remark major fail, attempt to laugh at myself, and make light out of the whole situation. After all, if you have made a mistake, best to acknowledge and admit it than to spiral down the path of further mistakes and embarrassment, while at the same time amusing your friends and providing some comic relief. But such innocuous situations aside, to caveat my remarks and statements are but a way of showing a balanced consideration, and more importantly to give myself a back-door. You can pretty much think of it as a disclaimer or exclusion/limitation clause in a contract/agreement kind of thing. Yes, it does get irritating for some people to talk to me but I guess, that'll just be one of my idiosyncrasies that ain't likely to change.
As for the second issue of discounting and dismissing people's opinions, I'll admit, too, that sometimes I'm guilty of that, but definitely not all the time, notwithstanding the ostensible circumstances. Sometimes, I rebut pretty quickly because the alternative proposed has streaked through my mind before, at some point in time; sometimes, I am just being insecure and it's a defence mechanism that kicks up when I feel that the other party is being vindictive or exploitative; sometimes, it's to see how well-thought-through the person is of his idea, and how strongly he feels for it. Nonetheless, it's palpable (or so I hope) that if you feel sufficiently strongly for something and once again puts it across to me, I will, at the end of the day, listen to you properly and evaluate that alternative.
And if you are one of those who simply can't stand this trait of mine, then it's really a pity because I doubt it'll go away. Especially after 3 months in law school, I'll admit that it manifests itself in many more ways than I could have imagined. When Prof Arun asks a question, there's an impulse to shoot off my mouth my exact thoughts and feelings, but I've learnt from experience that I'll be immediately thrown with the alternative view. So it turns out, when I want to say something, I'll come up with something contradictory to what I wanted to say, and then the battle of ideas takes place inside my mind and I start to trail off. Or when someone asks me something, my mind immediately splits into both sides, or if you want, half of my brain is wearing the Black Hat, and the other half is wearing the Yellow Hat. It pretty much takes place simultaneously, though yes, I know it goes against the teachings of Edward De Bono's 6 Thinking Hats.
Anyhows, I've finally thought through it, and gone through with this entry, and I can (pretty proudly, I must say) say that qualifications, disclaimers and pre-empt are just ways by which I function. I'm not saying it's a good or a bad thing, though it really gets irritating when I realise that almost after every viewpoint/stand I state, the word 'but' immediately follows. Indeed, sometimes on MSN while chatting with friends I had already typed out my but-statements, but I chose to press the backspace key and left it open. Sometimes it's easier that way, sometimes it aint.
To the friend who brought up the issue, at the very least, thanks for being truthful and honest in telling me and I really appreciate it. I won't say that I'll change 'cos I know I probably won't. BUT, I know now that I'll take note and be more wary of the impressions I'm giving people. Now, whenever I qualify with a 'but' after any sentence, it's pretty much instinctive to wonder whether there's really that absolute need for that. And I know that if there's no need for it, or if I can afford to just suspend myself in time for that few seconds and really put some serious thought into the alternative proposition, and to show that I really am giving thought to a person's opinion, then it would be a win-win situation - I don't jump to conclusions, nor rush through a hasty evaluative process, and the person will feel much appreciated, valued and encouraged, bolstering his sense of security and esteem in providing constructive alternative intellectual discourse in the future.
17:27; The Pianist'
trust
trust. one simple word, with complicated implications.
monosyllabic, yet gives a special ring to it,
overused, but what's the meaning?
I guess it has been relegated to the same level as believe. I guess to some extent they are pretty similar but trust is a level deeper? Belief is so specific to a particular thing/event, where as trust is more than that.
and this line of thought reminded me of someone who used to be close.. and made me think of my unwritten post about people who have impacted/changed me in so many ways.. soon, soon..
monosyllabic, yet gives a special ring to it,
overused, but what's the meaning?
I guess it has been relegated to the same level as believe. I guess to some extent they are pretty similar but trust is a level deeper? Belief is so specific to a particular thing/event, where as trust is more than that.
and this line of thought reminded me of someone who used to be close.. and made me think of my unwritten post about people who have impacted/changed me in so many ways.. soon, soon..
00:35; The Pianist'
Monday, 26 October 2009
obsession and addiction
We all have our obsessions, whether or not we would want to admit it. I guess, after all, societal norms have somewhat portrayed obsession in a negatively light, more so than was intended. You'll see more news about how people are obsessed with gambling, with the cyberworld, with computer games than news about how people are obsessed with keeping fit, with looking good, with doing their best for everything. Basically, it's just that humans, by nature, tend to be more intrigued by sensational news than fodder for the intellect.
Obsession is pretty much a neutral term - 'the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc' ; yes there are overtones of negative implications clouding the definition like 'domination' and 'persistent' but taken to their purest form, I would choose to believe that obsession is a generally neutral term.
I do have my fair share of obsessions. Well, who doesn't? The obsession with finding a time to chill out during really mundane brain-draining sessions, the obsession with fulfilling my dosage of swimming per week, the obsession with perfection pertaining to music stuff. Then of course there'll be those less-than-healthy obsessions which need not be publicised here.
I guess obsessions are just a way of distracting ourselves. Life is very much filled with distractions in the sense that during each session of crap thrown at us, we'll try to find other things to do, other stuff to look forward to, past incidents which might spur us on - if you would allow me to stretch that somewhat tenuously, I see these things, stuff and incidents as a form of distraction from the very present issues at hand.
Then sometimes, these obsessions progress into full-blown addictions, which would inarguably be cast in the negative arena - 'the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma'. I think it goes without much debate that the fact of enslavement which cessation causes severe trauma is something less-than-desirable. And of course addictions are easy to point out - addiction to alcohol, to drugs, to pornography, to gambling, and then the more 'innocuous' addictions like TV, computer, eating..
Well, 'innocuous' in inverted commas because those are somewhat debateable - while we have no problems classifying vices like drugs and sex/pornography as unhealthy addictions, there are sure to be objections for classifying eating as an addiction. At the very least, I know my mum will object to that.
The point of this whole entry thus far, is that all the above is merely an introduction. [Haha]
Been thinking about addictions and obsessions lately. We all have our addictions isn't it? As much as we would hate to admit it. [If we would not even want to admit having obsessions, why then would we want to admit having addictions, considering they are cast in a darker light than obsessions?] The point is that we are not in the position to judge people for their addictions, contrary to what we always do and what we simply love to do. Is a person's addiction to eating more forgiveable than another's addiction to pornography? Well, arguably yes because of moral reasons. Is a person's addiction to eating more forgiveable than another's addiction to computer/faceook? Well, the answer isn't all that clear anymore isn't it? Basically it just boils down to what's socially acceptable and what's not, in the sense that pornography is frowned upon by our conservative Asian Singapore society. I came across this interesting comparison some day ago - the Japanese will never talk loudly on the phone during a train ride because that's considered bad manners, but they'll leave someone alone if he's reading hentai anime; cross-reference that with Singapore and you get quite the opposite: we all know the pain of having to brace a train ride with the person next to you speaking into the phone like the other person's deaf, but you'll definitely not see someone holding something even vaguely pornographic in the public.
Alright, leaving these contentious examples, we really can't judge whether addiction to eating or addiction to computer games is worse. I'll probably not comprehend why you cannot kick the addiction of eating, and you'll not understand why I'm hooked to the internet. It's just two different levels of things. So I say, let's not condemn a person just because of his addictions. True, I do not agree with smoking, and I'll give my reasons why you should quit the habit of smoking, yet, at the end of the day, I cannot and will not say that I'm more 'righteous' simply because I don't smoke. Similarly, if I'm addicted to eating, I will not have a lower self-esteem than you just because of that.
As for what inspired this pretty long and rambly [and I think I'm not quite sure what's the point of this post actually], it's just that a friend recently shared his addiction to pornography with me. Yes, now I look at him differently - I don't despise him for being a slave to internet sex, but rather, I admire his courage to tell me about it, and even more applaud his courage in admitting his addiction and wanting to do something about it. Come on, we all have friends who surf pornography and it's even some form of 'unspoken rule' that runs through a lot of our lives but everyone just leaves it unsaid with a general silent consensus about the whole issue - you know I do it, and I can guess that you're in it too, but as long as we don't openly point each other out, we're cool. Okay, pornography's not the main thing about this post. The thing is about my friend, and addiction. I was just stating my belief that we all have our addictions and there's nothing to be ashamed of. What's worthy to be ashamed of is this: we know that it's an addiction, but we continue to brush it off and live in denial; we know that it's affecting our daily lives, but we give other reasons why our lives are screwing up; we know that it's bad and we really should stop it, but we lack the courage to face up to it - we're too weak and afraid to deal with it.
So, my friend, if you ever read this post, I just want to say I admire your courage in telling me, and your courage in desiring to change, and that there are a lot of people out there who are in the depths of their addiction who dare not even classify those as addictions, and that I also am one of those who dared not admit mine but now I know better, and I'm starting to recognise and admit mine and am gonna take steps to change it.
Obsession is pretty much a neutral term - 'the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc' ; yes there are overtones of negative implications clouding the definition like 'domination' and 'persistent' but taken to their purest form, I would choose to believe that obsession is a generally neutral term.
I do have my fair share of obsessions. Well, who doesn't? The obsession with finding a time to chill out during really mundane brain-draining sessions, the obsession with fulfilling my dosage of swimming per week, the obsession with perfection pertaining to music stuff. Then of course there'll be those less-than-healthy obsessions which need not be publicised here.
I guess obsessions are just a way of distracting ourselves. Life is very much filled with distractions in the sense that during each session of crap thrown at us, we'll try to find other things to do, other stuff to look forward to, past incidents which might spur us on - if you would allow me to stretch that somewhat tenuously, I see these things, stuff and incidents as a form of distraction from the very present issues at hand.
Then sometimes, these obsessions progress into full-blown addictions, which would inarguably be cast in the negative arena - 'the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma'. I think it goes without much debate that the fact of enslavement which cessation causes severe trauma is something less-than-desirable. And of course addictions are easy to point out - addiction to alcohol, to drugs, to pornography, to gambling, and then the more 'innocuous' addictions like TV, computer, eating..
Well, 'innocuous' in inverted commas because those are somewhat debateable - while we have no problems classifying vices like drugs and sex/pornography as unhealthy addictions, there are sure to be objections for classifying eating as an addiction. At the very least, I know my mum will object to that.
The point of this whole entry thus far, is that all the above is merely an introduction. [Haha]
Been thinking about addictions and obsessions lately. We all have our addictions isn't it? As much as we would hate to admit it. [If we would not even want to admit having obsessions, why then would we want to admit having addictions, considering they are cast in a darker light than obsessions?] The point is that we are not in the position to judge people for their addictions, contrary to what we always do and what we simply love to do. Is a person's addiction to eating more forgiveable than another's addiction to pornography? Well, arguably yes because of moral reasons. Is a person's addiction to eating more forgiveable than another's addiction to computer/faceook? Well, the answer isn't all that clear anymore isn't it? Basically it just boils down to what's socially acceptable and what's not, in the sense that pornography is frowned upon by our conservative Asian Singapore society. I came across this interesting comparison some day ago - the Japanese will never talk loudly on the phone during a train ride because that's considered bad manners, but they'll leave someone alone if he's reading hentai anime; cross-reference that with Singapore and you get quite the opposite: we all know the pain of having to brace a train ride with the person next to you speaking into the phone like the other person's deaf, but you'll definitely not see someone holding something even vaguely pornographic in the public.
Alright, leaving these contentious examples, we really can't judge whether addiction to eating or addiction to computer games is worse. I'll probably not comprehend why you cannot kick the addiction of eating, and you'll not understand why I'm hooked to the internet. It's just two different levels of things. So I say, let's not condemn a person just because of his addictions. True, I do not agree with smoking, and I'll give my reasons why you should quit the habit of smoking, yet, at the end of the day, I cannot and will not say that I'm more 'righteous' simply because I don't smoke. Similarly, if I'm addicted to eating, I will not have a lower self-esteem than you just because of that.
As for what inspired this pretty long and rambly [and I think I'm not quite sure what's the point of this post actually], it's just that a friend recently shared his addiction to pornography with me. Yes, now I look at him differently - I don't despise him for being a slave to internet sex, but rather, I admire his courage to tell me about it, and even more applaud his courage in admitting his addiction and wanting to do something about it. Come on, we all have friends who surf pornography and it's even some form of 'unspoken rule' that runs through a lot of our lives but everyone just leaves it unsaid with a general silent consensus about the whole issue - you know I do it, and I can guess that you're in it too, but as long as we don't openly point each other out, we're cool. Okay, pornography's not the main thing about this post. The thing is about my friend, and addiction. I was just stating my belief that we all have our addictions and there's nothing to be ashamed of. What's worthy to be ashamed of is this: we know that it's an addiction, but we continue to brush it off and live in denial; we know that it's affecting our daily lives, but we give other reasons why our lives are screwing up; we know that it's bad and we really should stop it, but we lack the courage to face up to it - we're too weak and afraid to deal with it.
So, my friend, if you ever read this post, I just want to say I admire your courage in telling me, and your courage in desiring to change, and that there are a lot of people out there who are in the depths of their addiction who dare not even classify those as addictions, and that I also am one of those who dared not admit mine but now I know better, and I'm starting to recognise and admit mine and am gonna take steps to change it.
00:07; The Pianist'
Sunday, 18 October 2009
the underlying dynamics of a death
My uncle just passed away on Wednesday. No, this post ain't about how sad I am, or anything to that effect. Yes, I've shed my fair share of tears and heartwrench, but I'm also alright now. I'm just really glad that he has accepted Christ and I can rest in the assurance that some day, we'll meet again.
Attending the wake the past few days have been pretty enlightening, for lack of a better word. I guess the sudden-ness of the whole affair did give us some shock - my mum suddenly sent me a msg on Wednesday afternoon to tell me to settle my own dinner because she had something urgent to attend to and had to rush out of the house, not knowing when she'll be back home. At that time I still didn't know what was going on, thinking that maybe her friend asked her out or something. Only in the evening did I get the news of my uncle's death and subsequently went down to the wake at night.
It was a simple affair on the first night, considering mostly only the relatives knew. Saw my aunt and my cousins, and the usual greetings and condolences were offered. They said they were alright. I guess my aunt was more able to handle the situation and composed in her words. Yet, through all those simple words offered, I could sense the grief in them. And I also noticed that their eyes were still wet, indicating that they would have been crying/tearing beforehand. Then I entered the auditorium/chapel or sorts and saw the rest of my relatives. Then again, beyond those smiles offered by my uncles and aunts, it wasn't difficult to notice that their eyes were a little red and puffy. The night passed pretty decently, with uncles asking questions and getting updates about our lives. The usual catch-up you get at a big family gathering I guess.
Went down again tonight, and just back home. The mood was a little lighter amongst my uncles and aunts. My cousins ostensibly looked pretty alright, presumably because of friends who came by to give their regards. Then the service started. And it was after a few songs then I noticed the dazed look on my cousins. It wasn't the kind of daze that you get after a few nights of improper and inadequate sleep. It was more of the dazed look which conveys the sense of lost. I guess that's the difference between the adults (my aunt, and other relatives) and the 'kids' (my cousins are all older than me). For the adults, the initial loss and impact was great, but they know how to deal with it and slowly come to terms with it. After all, they recognise and know that it's part and parcel of life. For the 'kids', it's their very first loss that's so close to heart, and probably one of the very few times, if any, they are encountering something so real.
After the service it was pretty much the same thing - chatting with relatives, catching up etc. And through it all, I came to see a different side to all my uncles and aunts. As my brother most aptly puts it - my dad's siblings are all very united. Yeah I guess at such times it's really when you get to see the most real and natural side of people - uncles and aunts doing whatever they are best at. The one familiar with accounts and money deals with the funeral donation, the one who is less of a socialite takes care of the random matters like arranging tables and distribution of food, the more vocal and sociable one receives any friends who come by and chat with them...
It is of course a very different scene as compared to a big family gathering at New Year or CNY. I guess this has taught me to look beyond those verbal interactions and insults and insinuations given at such events and note the underlying loving currents that emanate from such interactions. And now I appreciate my relatives much more - each and every one of my uncle and aunt. And I guess it'll take time for me to discover more about my other cousins too. I couldn't help but drifting off to think what would it look like if the deceased was someone even closer to me. How would everything pan out - who would be doing what, whose shoulders would I be leaning on if I needed one. But I guess, and I hope, I won't need to bother about that for a long time to come.
Let's leave that for another time then.
Attending the wake the past few days have been pretty enlightening, for lack of a better word. I guess the sudden-ness of the whole affair did give us some shock - my mum suddenly sent me a msg on Wednesday afternoon to tell me to settle my own dinner because she had something urgent to attend to and had to rush out of the house, not knowing when she'll be back home. At that time I still didn't know what was going on, thinking that maybe her friend asked her out or something. Only in the evening did I get the news of my uncle's death and subsequently went down to the wake at night.
It was a simple affair on the first night, considering mostly only the relatives knew. Saw my aunt and my cousins, and the usual greetings and condolences were offered. They said they were alright. I guess my aunt was more able to handle the situation and composed in her words. Yet, through all those simple words offered, I could sense the grief in them. And I also noticed that their eyes were still wet, indicating that they would have been crying/tearing beforehand. Then I entered the auditorium/chapel or sorts and saw the rest of my relatives. Then again, beyond those smiles offered by my uncles and aunts, it wasn't difficult to notice that their eyes were a little red and puffy. The night passed pretty decently, with uncles asking questions and getting updates about our lives. The usual catch-up you get at a big family gathering I guess.
Went down again tonight, and just back home. The mood was a little lighter amongst my uncles and aunts. My cousins ostensibly looked pretty alright, presumably because of friends who came by to give their regards. Then the service started. And it was after a few songs then I noticed the dazed look on my cousins. It wasn't the kind of daze that you get after a few nights of improper and inadequate sleep. It was more of the dazed look which conveys the sense of lost. I guess that's the difference between the adults (my aunt, and other relatives) and the 'kids' (my cousins are all older than me). For the adults, the initial loss and impact was great, but they know how to deal with it and slowly come to terms with it. After all, they recognise and know that it's part and parcel of life. For the 'kids', it's their very first loss that's so close to heart, and probably one of the very few times, if any, they are encountering something so real.
After the service it was pretty much the same thing - chatting with relatives, catching up etc. And through it all, I came to see a different side to all my uncles and aunts. As my brother most aptly puts it - my dad's siblings are all very united. Yeah I guess at such times it's really when you get to see the most real and natural side of people - uncles and aunts doing whatever they are best at. The one familiar with accounts and money deals with the funeral donation, the one who is less of a socialite takes care of the random matters like arranging tables and distribution of food, the more vocal and sociable one receives any friends who come by and chat with them...
It is of course a very different scene as compared to a big family gathering at New Year or CNY. I guess this has taught me to look beyond those verbal interactions and insults and insinuations given at such events and note the underlying loving currents that emanate from such interactions. And now I appreciate my relatives much more - each and every one of my uncle and aunt. And I guess it'll take time for me to discover more about my other cousins too. I couldn't help but drifting off to think what would it look like if the deceased was someone even closer to me. How would everything pan out - who would be doing what, whose shoulders would I be leaning on if I needed one. But I guess, and I hope, I won't need to bother about that for a long time to come.
Let's leave that for another time then.
00:07; The Pianist'
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Jesus Loves Me
Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes! Jesus loves me
Yes! Jesus loves me
Yes! Jesus loves me
The bible tells me so.
Simple song, yet touched me in so many ways just now. Indeed, it's great to know that Yes! Jesus loves me. =)
For the bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes! Jesus loves me
Yes! Jesus loves me
Yes! Jesus loves me
The bible tells me so.
Simple song, yet touched me in so many ways just now. Indeed, it's great to know that Yes! Jesus loves me. =)
16:06; The Pianist'
Thursday, 1 October 2009
finality.
7 1/2 + 4 and now + 9..
At least for now there's some sense of finality to it. Time to enter the next phase and open a new chapter.
September's ended, and it's time for me to wake up already. And so now it's gonna be 9 more months. I'll just give myself 9 more months and then that's it - or so I hope.
有头有尾 :]
At least for now there's some sense of finality to it. Time to enter the next phase and open a new chapter.
September's ended, and it's time for me to wake up already. And so now it's gonna be 9 more months. I'll just give myself 9 more months and then that's it - or so I hope.
有头有尾 :]
00:52; The Pianist'
Monday, 28 September 2009
of childhood dreams and wishes..
Overheard my eldest bro talking to my sis at the dinner table just now, talking about G-shock and how it was pretty much the IN thing and THE thing to have back then when he was a kid. Now that explains his new watch ('cos I'm not a g-shock fan). Anyhows, he asked my sis what her childhood dream was.. and I thought about mine..
Recalling back to the past, I could never remember a time where I had really wanted something material. Well, at least not when I was a kid. As I grew older, I slowly entered the world of materialism (or explosively into the world of personal grooming, if you'd rather) and now I could name a thousand and one things that I would want to have. Well, figuratively at least.
Anyhows, I tried really hard to think of something that I had always wanted since young. Been thinking for a few hours now, all the way from dinner at 6+ till now. And somehow, there's only one word that kept popping out - love.
It was quite an unsettling outcome, but the more I thought about it, the more I seemed to agree. I wasn't craving so much for particular things that my parents would buy for me, but more for the love from my brothers and dad. Of course as I grew up, I came to understand that guys have their own unique way of showing their love and affection and I thank God for that as I came to understand how the dynamics work in my family. And then I started to crave for the love of my friends and then a relationship. It's pretty distraught-ing to talk about all these hear on a public cyber platform, considering that my friends and yes, even my family read all these. Still, I guess there's nothing wrong about me being ME (something, you know, booms), and I'm certain that everyone at some point in time would be craving for love and affection from their friends and hopefully a partner.
Don't wanna make this a seemingly emo post lest people think I'm a horribly unloved person. 'cos that's simply not true - with a family like mine, and with great friends around me, there's really nothing more that I could ask for. Or is there..?
Recalling back to the past, I could never remember a time where I had really wanted something material. Well, at least not when I was a kid. As I grew older, I slowly entered the world of materialism (or explosively into the world of personal grooming, if you'd rather) and now I could name a thousand and one things that I would want to have. Well, figuratively at least.
Anyhows, I tried really hard to think of something that I had always wanted since young. Been thinking for a few hours now, all the way from dinner at 6+ till now. And somehow, there's only one word that kept popping out - love.
It was quite an unsettling outcome, but the more I thought about it, the more I seemed to agree. I wasn't craving so much for particular things that my parents would buy for me, but more for the love from my brothers and dad. Of course as I grew up, I came to understand that guys have their own unique way of showing their love and affection and I thank God for that as I came to understand how the dynamics work in my family. And then I started to crave for the love of my friends and then a relationship. It's pretty distraught-ing to talk about all these hear on a public cyber platform, considering that my friends and yes, even my family read all these. Still, I guess there's nothing wrong about me being ME (something, you know, booms), and I'm certain that everyone at some point in time would be craving for love and affection from their friends and hopefully a partner.
Don't wanna make this a seemingly emo post lest people think I'm a horribly unloved person. 'cos that's simply not true - with a family like mine, and with great friends around me, there's really nothing more that I could ask for. Or is there..?
02:10; The Pianist'
就让回忆停留、凝固吧。。。
可以做的，也已经做了。
想实现的，也已经落成了。
还真的是有一种莫名的解脱。
我想，生命最重要还是知足常乐。
继续固执、坚持，最终受伤的还是自己。
我知道，可以拥有昨天，是我想要的一种了结。
不知怎么的，张惠妹的 解脱 突然间在我脑海里响应了起来。
解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走
我有自由好好过
解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦
心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头
不要爱我的人再担心我
擦干了眼泪，是时间往前走了。
想实现的，也已经落成了。
还真的是有一种莫名的解脱。
我想，生命最重要还是知足常乐。
继续固执、坚持，最终受伤的还是自己。
我知道，可以拥有昨天，是我想要的一种了结。
不知怎么的，张惠妹的 解脱 突然间在我脑海里响应了起来。
解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走
我有自由好好过
解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦
心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头
不要爱我的人再担心我
擦干了眼泪，是时间往前走了。
01:35; The Pianist'
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
dropping by..
Been some time since I last spent some time here. Just felt like popping by today, somehow. Don't have a proper topic in my mind to talk about either, so it's really just random movement of my fingers over the keyboard.
Let's see.. some common questions (and hence common answers) I get from people:
How's life? nothing spectecular, the usual, studying and stuff...
How's studies/school? not too bad, just trying to catch up with all the readings and slowly adapting to stuff..
Are you very stressed? stressful kindof but not till the extent where I can't cope - I guess it's positive stress that I'm experiencing, nothing I can't handle yet..
I realise I really can't do mundane posts anymore..
Let's see.. some common questions (and hence common answers) I get from people:
How's life? nothing spectecular, the usual, studying and stuff...
How's studies/school? not too bad, just trying to catch up with all the readings and slowly adapting to stuff..
Are you very stressed? stressful kindof but not till the extent where I can't cope - I guess it's positive stress that I'm experiencing, nothing I can't handle yet..
I realise I really can't do mundane posts anymore..
01:55; The Pianist'
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
small world..
It's always scary to think (and find out) that the world is such a small place after all. Well, not scary per se, but just a little more than just disconcerting. It gets a little unsettling when you see how everyone is linked to someone else, somehow. Ah, shall trail off here for now..
11:28; The Pianist'
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
That's why you go away - Michael Learns To Rock
The all-popular song which goes...
I won't forget the way you're kissing,
the feeling's so strong, were lasting for so long...
I won't forget the way you're kissing,
the feeling's so strong, were lasting for so long...
08:25; The Pianist'
Tuesday, 4 August 2009
confused no more..
Alright, sorted out my thoughts a bit. At least now I know I'm not confused. I just needed some time to mull over things and figure things out. As Darren says, life's a journey of discovery and enlightenment. Indeed, it can get interesting at times, but also troubling as well.
Anyhows, am feeling way better after some time spent alone. Well, not exactly alone though.
As I said a week ago, it's high time I wake up and take control of my own life. And trust me, it really feels great to have a sense of direction, to know what you're working for, and to at least feel that you have some semblence of control and order in your life. When life throws crap at you, it's normal to just sit around and bitch and moan. But ultimately, staying at that stage aint getting you nowhere. If you know there's a problem, stand up and work around it, and get down to doing something about it.
And yes, it really feels great to know that you're working towards something and having that sense of control over your life, even if it's minuscule or microscopic.
Yeah baby, yeahhhh.
Anyhows, am feeling way better after some time spent alone. Well, not exactly alone though.
As I said a week ago, it's high time I wake up and take control of my own life. And trust me, it really feels great to have a sense of direction, to know what you're working for, and to at least feel that you have some semblence of control and order in your life. When life throws crap at you, it's normal to just sit around and bitch and moan. But ultimately, staying at that stage aint getting you nowhere. If you know there's a problem, stand up and work around it, and get down to doing something about it.
And yes, it really feels great to know that you're working towards something and having that sense of control over your life, even if it's minuscule or microscopic.
Yeah baby, yeahhhh.
22:04; The Pianist'
all but human
the sound of the fan
the heat of the lamp
the stillness of the night like a van
massively intruding decidingly to camp
the thoughts of the past
the memories of the months
the feelings all raw and vast
...
so what if I'm me
and nice and all
I still have to pee
am human after all
the heat of the lamp
the stillness of the night like a van
massively intruding decidingly to camp
the thoughts of the past
the memories of the months
the feelings all raw and vast
...
so what if I'm me
and nice and all
I still have to pee
am human after all
01:22; The Pianist'
Monday, 3 August 2009
confused apprehensive anticipating 030809
Just done with first day of matriculation week today; with the inauguration ceremony, as my eldest brother puts it, I'm now officially an undergrad.
And I really wonder if I did the right thing matriculating into the faculty of law. That all-familiar sense of insecurity coupled with some sense of awkwardness resulted in a panic attack just now. Well, just a small one, thankfully.
I wondered about whether I could and would step out of my comfort zone and be of some contribution to tutorial discussions, wondered if I would really bring myself to actively voice out my opinions, wondered if I would ever survive a moot, wondered if I would break down when I find my facade being brutally torn apart and ruthlessly judged, and the best of it all? I find myself the only one subconsiously weaving in chinese phrases and expressions into conversation, and then auto-truncating myself when I find myself on the verge of blurting out a chinese phrase, and constantly reminding myself to switch to channel 5.
Bleahs, I lost the mood to type about it. But I'll just leave my thoughts as they are, and hopefully I'll be fine after some time. No matter what, I'll still do my best in whatever I can, and give it my best shot and see how God leads...
-----
And I realise I'm really not all that keen to get into a relationship; and I thought I was craving for one. As much as I really desire the warmth and joy and bliss that being in love brings, I equally dread the process of courtship, of dating, and spending time and much effort to maintain and keep the relationship going. And then I realised I love my friends, yet I bitch about them sometimes; I appreciate their care and concern, yet I get tired of questions; I want my friends, yet am equally non-chalant in maintaining the friendship.
Sometimes, I really wonder who and what I am, and if I really understand even a fraction of myself.
And now I'll say it, I'm confused over so many things and I can only pray that I find a way out soon.
And I really wonder if I did the right thing matriculating into the faculty of law. That all-familiar sense of insecurity coupled with some sense of awkwardness resulted in a panic attack just now. Well, just a small one, thankfully.
I wondered about whether I could and would step out of my comfort zone and be of some contribution to tutorial discussions, wondered if I would really bring myself to actively voice out my opinions, wondered if I would ever survive a moot, wondered if I would break down when I find my facade being brutally torn apart and ruthlessly judged, and the best of it all? I find myself the only one subconsiously weaving in chinese phrases and expressions into conversation, and then auto-truncating myself when I find myself on the verge of blurting out a chinese phrase, and constantly reminding myself to switch to channel 5.
Bleahs, I lost the mood to type about it. But I'll just leave my thoughts as they are, and hopefully I'll be fine after some time. No matter what, I'll still do my best in whatever I can, and give it my best shot and see how God leads...
-----
And I realise I'm really not all that keen to get into a relationship; and I thought I was craving for one. As much as I really desire the warmth and joy and bliss that being in love brings, I equally dread the process of courtship, of dating, and spending time and much effort to maintain and keep the relationship going. And then I realised I love my friends, yet I bitch about them sometimes; I appreciate their care and concern, yet I get tired of questions; I want my friends, yet am equally non-chalant in maintaining the friendship.
Sometimes, I really wonder who and what I am, and if I really understand even a fraction of myself.
And now I'll say it, I'm confused over so many things and I can only pray that I find a way out soon.
22:02; The Pianist'
Monday, 27 July 2009
The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
"That's the thing. Sometimes when you sacrific something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else."
"Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it."
"Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't."
"Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it."
"Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't."
21:53; The Pianist'
Thursday, 2 July 2009
twitter...
Anyways, just so I can pen down random thoughts and give one-liners, I've decided to get a twitter...
http://twitter.com/icedrag_ed
http://twitter.com/icedrag_ed
23:46; The Pianist'
Wednesday, 1 July 2009
333rd post
And it's July already - half of 2009's gone and time to do abit of stock-taking?
Anyways, just here to say that I'll be going on hiatus for a few weeks.
Somehow it's always a July thing - was going on a downtime in 2005/2006 July too.
So yupps, that's all folks, for now.
Anyways, just here to say that I'll be going on hiatus for a few weeks.
Somehow it's always a July thing - was going on a downtime in 2005/2006 July too.
So yupps, that's all folks, for now.
00:10; The Pianist'
Sunday, 21 June 2009
日有所思，夜有所梦
虚空的虚空，虚空的虚空，凡事都是虚空。
23:06; The Pianist'
Friday, 19 June 2009
Nobody - Wonder Girls
Talk about fan vids mannn. This one is a total blow off my mind.
Well, tried running a search online for these 5 guys and I can't get any info because it's all in Thai. So anyways, regardless of whether they are gays or not, the fact that they are guys and they are THAT daring enough to do this out I totally salute them mann.
But that said, you can see that their actions are not exactly totally in sync yet. The original one by wonder girls still win hands down larhh.. So yuppppps, here it is! WOOOOOTS! =D
English Translation I found online:
You know I still love you baby
and it will never change
I want Nobody Nobody but You
I want Nobody Nobody but You
Your the only one I want the only one I need
I want Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody
I don't like how you push me away
Not paying attention to what I gotta say
Why do you try to introduce me to guys who cant compare to what you have to share
Pretending all this is what I need
You say you're far from perfect
Stop all your self-pity
If you really know me
You'll stop your stupid insecurities
I want Nobody Nobody but You
I want Nobody Nobody but You
You're the one only I want the only one I need
I want Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody
I am happy when you are with me
Your body completes but you never believe me
Why do you want me to meet someone new when you know i will never be content leaving you
Pretending all this is what I need
You say you're far from perfect
Stop all your self-pity
If you really know me
You'll stop your stupid insecurities
I want Nobody Nobody but You
I want Nobody Nobody but You
You're the one only I want the only one i need
I want Nobody Nobody Nobody
I dont want nobody body I dont want nobody body
Without you life cant continue
No other man can please me like you do
I want Nobody Nobody but You
I want Nobody Nobody but You
You're the one only I want the only one i need
I want Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody
Back to the place when we were so young and wild and free
and I wanna travel back in time to our past
thinking back now my dream is gone
dont go is all I wanna hear you say
Why do you push me away
I dont want nobody nobody nobody nobody but you
Well, tried running a search online for these 5 guys and I can't get any info because it's all in Thai. So anyways, regardless of whether they are gays or not, the fact that they are guys and they are THAT daring enough to do this out I totally salute them mann.
But that said, you can see that their actions are not exactly totally in sync yet. The original one by wonder girls still win hands down larhh.. So yuppppps, here it is! WOOOOOTS! =D
English Translation I found online:
You know I still love you baby
and it will never change
I want Nobody Nobody but You
I want Nobody Nobody but You
Your the only one I want the only one I need
I want Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody
I don't like how you push me away
Not paying attention to what I gotta say
Why do you try to introduce me to guys who cant compare to what you have to share
Pretending all this is what I need
You say you're far from perfect
Stop all your self-pity
If you really know me
You'll stop your stupid insecurities
I want Nobody Nobody but You
I want Nobody Nobody but You
You're the one only I want the only one I need
I want Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody
I am happy when you are with me
Your body completes but you never believe me
Why do you want me to meet someone new when you know i will never be content leaving you
Pretending all this is what I need
You say you're far from perfect
Stop all your self-pity
If you really know me
You'll stop your stupid insecurities
I want Nobody Nobody but You
I want Nobody Nobody but You
You're the one only I want the only one i need
I want Nobody Nobody Nobody
I dont want nobody body I dont want nobody body
Without you life cant continue
No other man can please me like you do
I want Nobody Nobody but You
I want Nobody Nobody but You
You're the one only I want the only one i need
I want Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody
Back to the place when we were so young and wild and free
and I wanna travel back in time to our past
thinking back now my dream is gone
dont go is all I wanna hear you say
Why do you push me away
I dont want nobody nobody nobody nobody but you
22:16; The Pianist'
thePIANIST;
~ice dragon~
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
theLOVE;
violin
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love
theWISH;
personalised room
keyboard
games
books
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
theCHATTERBOX;
theESCAPES;
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~`church
| Adeline |
Grace Heah |
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GUM |
iloveegg:) |
Isaac Lim |
Jeremy |
Jiaming |
Kenneth |
Quan Yong |
Sharon |
Solomon Knights =) |
Wenqi |
Xuemin |
Yineng |
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ZhengYang |
~`others
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