thePIANIST

Saturday, 16 February 2008

tuanqi..

hmm must have looked really uncle today, walking around with a pseudo-sectcom bag together with a conventional umbrella which was pretty long -.-

anyways, tuanqi today at west coast park was pretty interesting, with kite making.. though i cant say it was most spectecular nor was it 100% fun filled, yet i guess it showed me a couple of things..

firstly, i realised tt wat ppl enjoyed most out of tuanqi is not the 5 - 7 pm, it's the dinner tgt aft tt and sitting down tgt simply chatting, catching up, or just laughing till everyone's tired..

and the nxt, was realising tt thr is a significant fraction of ppl who put various stuff before tuanqi on saturday - be it studies, meeting frens etc..

i cant say tt God's more impt than studies, tho it's a fact, nor can i tell ppl to set their priorities for church before everyth else.. but tt's whr i find it struggling to accept certain things.. i mean, if you tell me you needa study and for tuition, yeap i still can understand if you appear for tuanqi a few times here and thr.. but if one goes out consistently to meet with frens, does that mean tt the frenships in church are placed at a lower impt-ance? or are they taken for granted since we will still meet every sunday?

it's not like i dun have frens outside church.. sometimes if i just step out of my life for a while and look at my life, it really looks kinda no life since it's just army and church.. indeed, sad to say, i have pang-seh entropy, 05s70, choir just bcoz of tuanqi and church.. it's not tt i dun treasure my dear frens thr and it's equally embarrassing, to some extent, that i always have to turn down the many gatherings and outings.. or even if i really decide to 'pon' church for them, more often than not last minute i will still choose to go for tuanqi.. it's not easy to repeatedly turn down sch frens, but i knw, i will still make time for them one day.. and i'm glad tt they have always understood my church commitments, esp HI107 back in 2005 :)

perhaps the biggest struggle is that standing from the position of a youth leader, one of my so-called responsibilities is to lead and guide ppl yet i find it most tough to tok to ppl abt their priorities.. not tt i wanna sound self-righteous, or noble, but indeed it puzzles me the priorities ppl have.. it wld be inappropriate to say tt this is more impt than that, or that one takes precedence over the other.. but, as a christian who happens to be in this life, iznt it true?

and it doesnt help if i go around 'preaching' all these, at the risk of being called acting holy.. not tt i do care all tt much, but if i cant even convince those in my class, cant even convince my close frens, in wat position am i to tok to others abt it? or wat so-called right do i have to advice others on how things shld be?

someone once said tt certain things i wun understand coz i always get the support i needed.. yet, i'm sorry mydear, a lot of times when i needed the kind of support and acknowledgement or affirmation, i simply just dun get them.. it's not the big things tt i'm always bothered abt, it's these small stuff which troubles me..

indeed, you are true tt some things i just wun understand.. but i guess, we all have stuff which others just dun notice nor realise, much less to understand..

i hope this post doesnt sound angsty nor resigned.. just penning down some stuff which i guess is wat makes me increasingly unconfident of my actions and decisions..

hesitant and more forgetful..

or is it low self-confidence and selective absorption of facts..

22:02; The Pianist'

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