Thursday, 30 April 2009
being late..
Was on my way home on the MRT just now and overheard a conversation between two sec school guys. They were going home to shower and change up before meeting up again and they started to remind each other not to be late.
A: Ehh, later meet at 3 arh? Now 2.30.. later 3 3.15 like that..
B: Okay, you call me before you leave home. You know I hate waiting for people one..
A: EHHH, please lor, I wun be later than you one lor, the other time duno who make me wait 20minutes lorrr..
B: Haha ehh, dun bring up the past liao larh okay?
Haha, I couldn't help but laugh to myself upon overhearing them. I think one of them noticed me smiling =X Okayy anyway, I was just thinking to myself, it's pretty much in everyone's blood to be late at some point in time eh. I guess my friends are all pretty acquainted with that late side of me. Haha ehh but at the very least when I'm meeting someone one-to-one, I'm usually not late. Alrights, I try my best not to eh. Haha, except for poor Isaac who waited for more than an hour for me once. =X
A: Ehh, later meet at 3 arh? Now 2.30.. later 3 3.15 like that..
B: Okay, you call me before you leave home. You know I hate waiting for people one..
A: EHHH, please lor, I wun be later than you one lor, the other time duno who make me wait 20minutes lorrr..
B: Haha ehh, dun bring up the past liao larh okay?
Haha, I couldn't help but laugh to myself upon overhearing them. I think one of them noticed me smiling =X Okayy anyway, I was just thinking to myself, it's pretty much in everyone's blood to be late at some point in time eh. I guess my friends are all pretty acquainted with that late side of me. Haha ehh but at the very least when I'm meeting someone one-to-one, I'm usually not late. Alrights, I try my best not to eh. Haha, except for poor Isaac who waited for more than an hour for me once. =X
20:10; The Pianist'
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
meeting with dingyi..
Just home after meeting dingyi at bukit panjang plaza. Ahh stepped into mac and saw him with his wife chatting away. Couldnt help but wonder whether 20 years down the road I will have someone to spend my time with, to chat with, to hold my hand and walk the park with..
Ohwell, that aside. Discussion with dingyi was pretty... interesting. Hmm, I wouldnt say it's entirely helpful and productive, but definitely there were some breakthroughs in areas I didnt foresee. I hope this helps me focus and get started on what I have to do then. Ahhh sometimes I really think I have a love-hate relationship with dingyi. Haha okayy considering my blog's linked to class blog, which in turn is linked to GUM blog, I think I should just stop here. Hehhhs.
Ohwell, that aside. Discussion with dingyi was pretty... interesting. Hmm, I wouldnt say it's entirely helpful and productive, but definitely there were some breakthroughs in areas I didnt foresee. I hope this helps me focus and get started on what I have to do then. Ahhh sometimes I really think I have a love-hate relationship with dingyi. Haha okayy considering my blog's linked to class blog, which in turn is linked to GUM blog, I think I should just stop here. Hehhhs.
21:52; The Pianist'
and....
Was out yesterday and saw a singlet some random passerby was wearing and it sparked off my thinking. I was reminded of buying gifts for people, of buying clothes for people, and then I got reminded of the big booboo I made last year. And then there I went, thinking about way more things than I bargained for.
Well, I got a shirt for my dad last year during my army trip to Thailand. Till now, he hasn't worn it once and it's really not his fault. I mean, how do you wear a shirt that's big enough to fit one and a half times your actual size?
And it struck me there and then, 7 months ago, that I really didn't know my dad. Well, of course getting the wrong size of clothes for someone is pretty much part and parcel sometimes, but usually it's a difference of one to two sizes up or down. Not one and a half times his actual size. I can swear if my dad really wants to, he could have fit in two of himself into that shirt.
I remember 丽玲老师 teaching us a long time ago when we were still in primary school that, between someone who says "I know my father - he has a moustache, very thick eyebrows, sometimes leaving a stubble, has grey hair etc etc" and someone who says "I know my father - he likes to go fishing on Saturdays, go jogging every Thursday morning etc etc", who do you think is closer to his dad, or knows him better? Back then, she gave us the answer as the latter one who knows his habits. Her reasoning was that knowing someone's outward appearances are but superficial and almost anyone who has met him could probably fare similarly, and so we should spend the effort to get to know our family.
Yup, I got her point back then. But back then, I remember I actually chose the answer as the former because even though you meet someone, you may not be able to notice those details on his face which would otherwise be hidden. I'm not sure if I'm making myself clear here, but I guess knowing a person constitutes both the outward physical appearance and the inner emotional psyche - it's about both the body and the soul.
Imagine if you know your other half's preferences: that he likes to his steak medium, hits the gym thrice a week, loves MOS burger's milk tea, lazes in bed an extra minute whenever he gets the chance to... but you don't know that he looks away from your eyes when he's going through that emotional struggle within him, ruffles that fringe when he's getting a little more self-conscious, is particular about shaving cleanly everyday... it's just not complete, right?
I think I digress. I really wasn't trying to make myself feel better. I know I don't know my dad well enough and that's a fact I can't deny. Neither do I know my mother well enough, nor my brothers, nor my sister even, for that matter.
And you know that something's really wrong somewhere when you ask your sister what she wants for her birthday and she says, she wants her brother to talk to her more when at home.
And all you can think to yourself is, why the sudden distancing at home, that facetious silence which acts up, that emotional un-connection almost consciously imposed on... And then you blame yourself for surpressing that teenage side in you all the while, not allowing it to grab a hold on your life many years ago.
And now, it erupts in such a force that your parents don't understand, and you yourself don't really know how to cope with it at such a age.
And you think to yourself: so this is what it feels like to have that raging hormones of teenage rebellion.
Well, I got a shirt for my dad last year during my army trip to Thailand. Till now, he hasn't worn it once and it's really not his fault. I mean, how do you wear a shirt that's big enough to fit one and a half times your actual size?
And it struck me there and then, 7 months ago, that I really didn't know my dad. Well, of course getting the wrong size of clothes for someone is pretty much part and parcel sometimes, but usually it's a difference of one to two sizes up or down. Not one and a half times his actual size. I can swear if my dad really wants to, he could have fit in two of himself into that shirt.
I remember 丽玲老师 teaching us a long time ago when we were still in primary school that, between someone who says "I know my father - he has a moustache, very thick eyebrows, sometimes leaving a stubble, has grey hair etc etc" and someone who says "I know my father - he likes to go fishing on Saturdays, go jogging every Thursday morning etc etc", who do you think is closer to his dad, or knows him better? Back then, she gave us the answer as the latter one who knows his habits. Her reasoning was that knowing someone's outward appearances are but superficial and almost anyone who has met him could probably fare similarly, and so we should spend the effort to get to know our family.
Yup, I got her point back then. But back then, I remember I actually chose the answer as the former because even though you meet someone, you may not be able to notice those details on his face which would otherwise be hidden. I'm not sure if I'm making myself clear here, but I guess knowing a person constitutes both the outward physical appearance and the inner emotional psyche - it's about both the body and the soul.
Imagine if you know your other half's preferences: that he likes to his steak medium, hits the gym thrice a week, loves MOS burger's milk tea, lazes in bed an extra minute whenever he gets the chance to... but you don't know that he looks away from your eyes when he's going through that emotional struggle within him, ruffles that fringe when he's getting a little more self-conscious, is particular about shaving cleanly everyday... it's just not complete, right?
I think I digress. I really wasn't trying to make myself feel better. I know I don't know my dad well enough and that's a fact I can't deny. Neither do I know my mother well enough, nor my brothers, nor my sister even, for that matter.
And you know that something's really wrong somewhere when you ask your sister what she wants for her birthday and she says, she wants her brother to talk to her more when at home.
And all you can think to yourself is, why the sudden distancing at home, that facetious silence which acts up, that emotional un-connection almost consciously imposed on... And then you blame yourself for surpressing that teenage side in you all the while, not allowing it to grab a hold on your life many years ago.
And now, it erupts in such a force that your parents don't understand, and you yourself don't really know how to cope with it at such a age.
And you think to yourself: so this is what it feels like to have that raging hormones of teenage rebellion.
15:02; The Pianist'
instinctive self-consciousness
Sometimes, after some time it feels good to still have that sense of anxiety and apprehension grip you just in anticipation of meeting someone.
That irrational and inexplicable worry over whether you are presentable enough, whether your hair is wee bit too ruffled for preference, whether that fringe looks better tucked to the side or drooping in front, whether the decision to not shave in the morning was a bad choice, whether your dressing is appropriate, whether that pair of over-worn berms will be commented on again, whether the tshirt is too creased - and suddenly you find yourself all-so-self-conscious just because the person you are gonna meet is arriving. And you instinctively head to the washroom again just to make sure you look alright.
It's a pretty interesting feeling to have, and to have it still after so long.
=)
That irrational and inexplicable worry over whether you are presentable enough, whether your hair is wee bit too ruffled for preference, whether that fringe looks better tucked to the side or drooping in front, whether the decision to not shave in the morning was a bad choice, whether your dressing is appropriate, whether that pair of over-worn berms will be commented on again, whether the tshirt is too creased - and suddenly you find yourself all-so-self-conscious just because the person you are gonna meet is arriving. And you instinctively head to the washroom again just to make sure you look alright.
It's a pretty interesting feeling to have, and to have it still after so long.
=)
01:44; The Pianist'
loaded subconsciously..
Ahh why is it that I can't engage in a single conversation without saying things I don't entirely mean? Without those undertones, connotations and allusions. I don't really mean to pun or dig at every other thing, but I guess my brain has been pretty much wired up in that manner.
It gets really tiring, and exasperating when you realise that whenever you speak, it's truer than you meant it.
It gets really tiring, and exasperating when you realise that whenever you speak, it's truer than you meant it.
01:27; The Pianist'
Friday, 24 April 2009
乐游原 - 李商隐
向晚意不适，
驱车登古原。
夕阳无限好，
只是近黄昏。
驱车登古原。
夕阳无限好，
只是近黄昏。
21:59; The Pianist'
Thursday, 23 April 2009
是没有人的错
照理说，我应该气三个人。
怪他为什么当初没有自动地知难而退；
怪你为什么三心两意；
怪我是否做错了什么，或做得不够；
但是昨晚我突然想通了，我之所以可以那么镇定，安然自若地听你叙述并给于意见，是因为原来我早已领悟了一个道理 - 这种东西是没有谁对谁错的。
可不是吗？一个人的外在反应是那么容易的被人评估，其外在的表现有否符合社会的期望、要求。但是一个人的心理及情感则不显而易见，更何况，社会可以施加压力，导致大家都必须符合某种标准，但那往往只不过是一种外在的表现罢了；一个人肺腑之情是不能够被辖制的。
实在的，情感就是那么的不符合理智。不对，我应该说情感就是不理智的，甚至是非理智的，更是反理智的。
也就是这样，就因我是一个感性多过于理性的人，也深深地能够体会到情感的反理智性，以便我很早就领悟到有些东西，也就真的是没有谁对谁错的。
怪他为什么当初没有自动地知难而退；
怪你为什么三心两意；
怪我是否做错了什么，或做得不够；
但是昨晚我突然想通了，我之所以可以那么镇定，安然自若地听你叙述并给于意见，是因为原来我早已领悟了一个道理 - 这种东西是没有谁对谁错的。
可不是吗？一个人的外在反应是那么容易的被人评估，其外在的表现有否符合社会的期望、要求。但是一个人的心理及情感则不显而易见，更何况，社会可以施加压力，导致大家都必须符合某种标准，但那往往只不过是一种外在的表现罢了；一个人肺腑之情是不能够被辖制的。
实在的，情感就是那么的不符合理智。不对，我应该说情感就是不理智的，甚至是非理智的，更是反理智的。
也就是这样，就因我是一个感性多过于理性的人，也深深地能够体会到情感的反理智性，以便我很早就领悟到有些东西，也就真的是没有谁对谁错的。
23:57; The Pianist'
amazed..
Sometimes, I really do amaze myself.
By my lack of apparent emotions, by my hyposensitivity, by the way I feel, by the way I think, by the way I react, by the way I didnt react, by what I eventually said.
One part tells me that I should rave and rant, kick up a fuss and get into a ruckus, while another part of me tells me that I should remain calm and not make a scene out of everything.
And frankly, I don't even know what/how I'm feeling or thinking. Maybe that's why it's so difficult to get out of this crap, 'cause everyone is okay with everything/anything else. Nobody's sure of his own thoughts nor feelings.
At the end of the day, perhaps it's as what I say, what else is there to do except to bitch and moan?
By my lack of apparent emotions, by my hyposensitivity, by the way I feel, by the way I think, by the way I react, by the way I didnt react, by what I eventually said.
One part tells me that I should rave and rant, kick up a fuss and get into a ruckus, while another part of me tells me that I should remain calm and not make a scene out of everything.
And frankly, I don't even know what/how I'm feeling or thinking. Maybe that's why it's so difficult to get out of this crap, 'cause everyone is okay with everything/anything else. Nobody's sure of his own thoughts nor feelings.
At the end of the day, perhaps it's as what I say, what else is there to do except to bitch and moan?
12:31; The Pianist'
Sunday, 19 April 2009
-
往往，你最爱的人是你伤害最深、最多的人。
对不起，我看我是太爱你了。
是时候醒醒，不再那么多疑、自问、自私。就像以前那样，多为别人着想，多求了解别人而非求他人了解自己。
对不起，我看我是太爱你了。
是时候醒醒，不再那么多疑、自问、自私。就像以前那样，多为别人着想，多求了解别人而非求他人了解自己。
16:02; The Pianist'
Saturday, 18 April 2009
helpless romantic..
Romantic: a romanticist
Romanticist: someone who indulges in excessive sentimentality
Mannn. I'm a helpless romantic.
Romanticist: someone who indulges in excessive sentimentality
Mannn. I'm a helpless romantic.
22:36; The Pianist'
Friday, 17 April 2009
HK trip random thoughts-list
Just back home after 4 days in hong kong. Been a great 4 days there. Well, not exactly GREAT great, since I didnt buy lotsa stuff nor eat lotsa food, but at the very least, my mind's been pretty productive. More so than the past few weeks I've been (as seen from the evident lack of postings on my blog)
Had a very nice time sorting out my thoughts finally, and thought through some stuff - clearing my backlog of outdated prospective posts which should have been posted had I been able to sit down and think them through. And along with that few things, issues come to me as I soak in the views of hong kong and sometimes just a few short phrases come to mind as well. But the best part is, I finally figured out why my life's been feeling so different the past few months ever since I ORD-ed, and how much I've changed from there.
Just so I won't forget, just listing down the things that I would like to blog about over the next few days.
1) the change in my emotional landscape/outlook, way of doing things and thinking, r/ship with my family
2) the contrast between the conservativeness of my parents' generation and the more liberal attitude of my generation
3) issue of privacy and own personal space
4) way of thinking/doing/feeling of man and woman
5) the irrationality of love
6) love and sex
7) the naivety, innocence and innocuity of little kids
Had a very nice time sorting out my thoughts finally, and thought through some stuff - clearing my backlog of outdated prospective posts which should have been posted had I been able to sit down and think them through. And along with that few things, issues come to me as I soak in the views of hong kong and sometimes just a few short phrases come to mind as well. But the best part is, I finally figured out why my life's been feeling so different the past few months ever since I ORD-ed, and how much I've changed from there.
Just so I won't forget, just listing down the things that I would like to blog about over the next few days.
1) the change in my emotional landscape/outlook, way of doing things and thinking, r/ship with my family
2) the contrast between the conservativeness of my parents' generation and the more liberal attitude of my generation
3) issue of privacy and own personal space
4) way of thinking/doing/feeling of man and woman
5) the irrationality of love
6) love and sex
7) the naivety, innocence and innocuity of little kids
23:17; The Pianist'
Sunday, 5 April 2009
Beautifully imperfect..
21:53; The Pianist'
Saturday, 4 April 2009
Cause-and-effect..
Okay, I'm not setting out to offend people, nor am I trying to be a snob. But seriously, this post just totally struck my mind the other day when walking home. Thank God for that. Been trying to figure out how to phrase all these and telling people 'cos it's really been on my mind for the longest of time...
"Oh, 'cos it's minhai mah, and he don't need to study also can score for his exams, that's why he can spend so much time in church lor."
Yes, I'll admit it. I don't mug consistently, nor revise my work conscientiously even though it's been my New Year resolution for n number of years. I fall asleep during class, slept through most of my Year 1 lectures, but somehow, miraculously I manage to pass my exams. Hey, wait a moment, wait a moment.. Miraculously? Hell no!
I try to clear my tutorials as best as I can, as soon as they come so that they don't pile up, and I sure slog my guts out for major examinations. If you want, I'll gladly show you the crazy A levels revision schedule I planned for myself starting July06, building up to the big A's in November. And by slogging my guts out, I mean almost no entertainment/leisure, almost no social life; it's just wake up, study, eat, sleep, study, eat, sleep... Yes, even barely used the computer.
Of course, everyone's different and what works for me need not necessarily work for others. But my point is, the cause-and-effect of the quote above is wrong! Instead of thinking that it's because I can do well in my studies FIRST, THEN I can spend time in church work, has it ever struck you that it's precisely I still do what I do in church FIRST, THEN I do my best to take care of my studies, and where I can't control, I leave it to God. Thankfully, God decides to bless me with good grades.
Oh come on, what's considered GOOD-ENOUGH grades BEFORE you put in your heart and soul into church? For some, it may be as simple as just passing all their subjects; for some, it may be getting at least a B for all their exams; for some, it may be to get A's for their exams; for some, it may to get a GPA of more than 3.5; for some, it may be to get into uni; for some, it may be to get into a good course or their desired course in uni; for some, it may be to graduate with 1st class honours; for some, it may be getting that coveted scholarship...
Come on, face facts: we're only human and we are greedy by nature - we want to get better and better, so when can we really call ourselves satiated? Still, we'll always choose to compare ourselves with those who are better off than us, and then grumble and worry that God ain't working things out for us.
I had my fair share of setbacks and bombshells too. Still, I try my best to put in my best for God, and I know that as long as I do my best, God will do the rest. So that's why be it getting 6 points for O's, 4 A's for A's, failing my AMaths in sec3, flunking my maths for promos, not getting into chem O, failing my DipABRSM in 2006, failing my English compo in sec sch, I still want to just shout it out: I've done my best, God has done the rest, and I'll accept whatever He has chosen to give me!
And so, it's time to get the priorities right, to set things back on track. What's the correct cause-and-effect, and what's the correct prioritisation in your life?
"Oh, 'cos it's minhai mah, and he don't need to study also can score for his exams, that's why he can spend so much time in church lor."
Yes, I'll admit it. I don't mug consistently, nor revise my work conscientiously even though it's been my New Year resolution for n number of years. I fall asleep during class, slept through most of my Year 1 lectures, but somehow, miraculously I manage to pass my exams. Hey, wait a moment, wait a moment.. Miraculously? Hell no!
I try to clear my tutorials as best as I can, as soon as they come so that they don't pile up, and I sure slog my guts out for major examinations. If you want, I'll gladly show you the crazy A levels revision schedule I planned for myself starting July06, building up to the big A's in November. And by slogging my guts out, I mean almost no entertainment/leisure, almost no social life; it's just wake up, study, eat, sleep, study, eat, sleep... Yes, even barely used the computer.
Of course, everyone's different and what works for me need not necessarily work for others. But my point is, the cause-and-effect of the quote above is wrong! Instead of thinking that it's because I can do well in my studies FIRST, THEN I can spend time in church work, has it ever struck you that it's precisely I still do what I do in church FIRST, THEN I do my best to take care of my studies, and where I can't control, I leave it to God. Thankfully, God decides to bless me with good grades.
Oh come on, what's considered GOOD-ENOUGH grades BEFORE you put in your heart and soul into church? For some, it may be as simple as just passing all their subjects; for some, it may be getting at least a B for all their exams; for some, it may be to get A's for their exams; for some, it may to get a GPA of more than 3.5; for some, it may be to get into uni; for some, it may be to get into a good course or their desired course in uni; for some, it may be to graduate with 1st class honours; for some, it may be getting that coveted scholarship...
Come on, face facts: we're only human and we are greedy by nature - we want to get better and better, so when can we really call ourselves satiated? Still, we'll always choose to compare ourselves with those who are better off than us, and then grumble and worry that God ain't working things out for us.
I had my fair share of setbacks and bombshells too. Still, I try my best to put in my best for God, and I know that as long as I do my best, God will do the rest. So that's why be it getting 6 points for O's, 4 A's for A's, failing my AMaths in sec3, flunking my maths for promos, not getting into chem O, failing my DipABRSM in 2006, failing my English compo in sec sch, I still want to just shout it out: I've done my best, God has done the rest, and I'll accept whatever He has chosen to give me!
And so, it's time to get the priorities right, to set things back on track. What's the correct cause-and-effect, and what's the correct prioritisation in your life?
23:12; The Pianist'
thePIANIST;
~ice dragon~
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
theLOVE;
violin
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love
theWISH;
personalised room
keyboard
games
books
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
theCHATTERBOX;
theESCAPES;
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~`church
| Adeline |
Grace Heah |
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GUM |
iloveegg:) |
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Solomon Knights =) |
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