Saturday, 29 November 2008
open-mindedness
If there's one thing that I really like about my character, it's my open-mindedness - the receptivity towards ideas foreign and even clashing to my pre-conceived notions.
04:51; The Pianist'
Thursday, 27 November 2008
the life of a househusband..
So today's my first full day at home ever since my parents went overseas, not counting yesterday since I was pretty much out the whole day. And oh, my parents are coming back on the 8 December.
So without mum around, the daily chores of washing clothes, sweeping floor, cooking meals and other random day-to-day to-do lists fall on my brother, my sister and me. Well, I suppose that would be mostly me since I'm around most of the time anyway.
Woke up today and the first thing that came to mind was to wash the clothes. Much thanks to brother who already boiled water for the day, so that's one less thing for me to do. So now there's a pile of clothes on the sofa waiting to be folded. And I think we are so gonna stay off sweeping the floor. Or maybe we'll just do some customary sweeping before my parents come back =X
After one day of being a "housewife", I'm pretty sure I wouldn't mind being a house-husband. Woke up, washed the clothes, alone at home, used the com a bit, think of what to cook for lunch and dinner, went out to do random shopping for groceries/ingredients/food, decided to just have salad for lunch, came home, hung the clothes out to dry, used com a lil' again, played the piano, went for a 12km run, came back, took in the clothes, cooked dinner, had dinner while reading newspaper, washed the dishes, played some games, now online.
Pretty much my day for today. But through that random rambling in the previous paragraph, I can more or less imagine my life as a house-husband...
Wake up, throw the clothes into the washing machine, prepare breakfast for my beloved, wash the dishes, alone at home, boil a kettle of water, check if the ice tray is empty, use the com a lil', play the piano, hang the clothes out to dry, whip up something random and light for lunch, read the newspaper over lunch, do some sweeping and cleaning, think of what to cook for dinner, go shopping for dinner stuff, come home, play some computer games, bum around for a while, take in the clothes, prepare dinner, wait for my beloved to come home and have dinner together, wash up the dishes, have a nice shower, watch tv while folding the clothes...
Well, probably have to factor in some time once in a while for gym, and exercise. Maybe sometimes go swim in the afternoon if I don't need to shop for dinner stuff, or attempt a run before dinner, or run at night with my beloved...
Sounds like a gd plan to me. If only things were that easy and I could just have such a simple life. I seriously don't mind staying at home and making the whole place neat, homely, comfy and welcoming to a tired soul returning from work.
Ahwell, if only things were as simple as that..
So without mum around, the daily chores of washing clothes, sweeping floor, cooking meals and other random day-to-day to-do lists fall on my brother, my sister and me. Well, I suppose that would be mostly me since I'm around most of the time anyway.
Woke up today and the first thing that came to mind was to wash the clothes. Much thanks to brother who already boiled water for the day, so that's one less thing for me to do. So now there's a pile of clothes on the sofa waiting to be folded. And I think we are so gonna stay off sweeping the floor. Or maybe we'll just do some customary sweeping before my parents come back =X
After one day of being a "housewife", I'm pretty sure I wouldn't mind being a house-husband. Woke up, washed the clothes, alone at home, used the com a bit, think of what to cook for lunch and dinner, went out to do random shopping for groceries/ingredients/food, decided to just have salad for lunch, came home, hung the clothes out to dry, used com a lil' again, played the piano, went for a 12km run, came back, took in the clothes, cooked dinner, had dinner while reading newspaper, washed the dishes, played some games, now online.
Pretty much my day for today. But through that random rambling in the previous paragraph, I can more or less imagine my life as a house-husband...
Wake up, throw the clothes into the washing machine, prepare breakfast for my beloved, wash the dishes, alone at home, boil a kettle of water, check if the ice tray is empty, use the com a lil', play the piano, hang the clothes out to dry, whip up something random and light for lunch, read the newspaper over lunch, do some sweeping and cleaning, think of what to cook for dinner, go shopping for dinner stuff, come home, play some computer games, bum around for a while, take in the clothes, prepare dinner, wait for my beloved to come home and have dinner together, wash up the dishes, have a nice shower, watch tv while folding the clothes...
Well, probably have to factor in some time once in a while for gym, and exercise. Maybe sometimes go swim in the afternoon if I don't need to shop for dinner stuff, or attempt a run before dinner, or run at night with my beloved...
Sounds like a gd plan to me. If only things were that easy and I could just have such a simple life. I seriously don't mind staying at home and making the whole place neat, homely, comfy and welcoming to a tired soul returning from work.
Ahwell, if only things were as simple as that..
22:45; The Pianist'
of relationships..
There's this weird thing about humans.
We strive so hard to achieve and get something which we don't have.
And then when we finally get it, we start fearing that we'll lose it.
And this is especially true for love and relationships. Because you are afraid that the person will walk away, will leave suddenly one day when you least expect it, because you simply don't know when you'll be separated or when you'll see the person again...
We strive so hard to achieve and get something which we don't have.
And then when we finally get it, we start fearing that we'll lose it.
And this is especially true for love and relationships. Because you are afraid that the person will walk away, will leave suddenly one day when you least expect it, because you simply don't know when you'll be separated or when you'll see the person again...
01:13; The Pianist'
Monday, 24 November 2008
Looking at self from others' perspectives
Today in church we had to fill in a form that was asking us in what areas we would want to serve. And my dear knights as usual, like to do things differently so we got into a circle and we filled the form for the person next to us. I filled for sharon, sharon for alison, alison for xiucheng, xiucheng for me.
And yeap, it was interesting to note that after we were done with each other's we exchanged to kinda look through just in case. Amazingly, there were little minor adjustments, just a couple or so.
As for mine, nothing much I changed except that when it came to this section which we had to tick what kind of things we want to serve in the Administrative area, my dear da ge ticked a couple, but there was 2 which he didnt tick and I instinctively wanted to just go and tick. But I stopped myself for a second, pause and thought for a moment, then I realised, perhaps yeahh those 2 really didnt need to be selected at all.
And then it just struck me like that, real hard, that perhaps after all, my da ge really knew me well. Yeahh it was his choice of not ticking those 2 that made me think why he didnt and I realised, yah maybe those 2 shldnt have been.
And then I realised - Sometimes we've got to look at ourselves, our lives and characteristics from other people's perspectives, in order to minimise our blind spots.
And yeap, it was interesting to note that after we were done with each other's we exchanged to kinda look through just in case. Amazingly, there were little minor adjustments, just a couple or so.
As for mine, nothing much I changed except that when it came to this section which we had to tick what kind of things we want to serve in the Administrative area, my dear da ge ticked a couple, but there was 2 which he didnt tick and I instinctively wanted to just go and tick. But I stopped myself for a second, pause and thought for a moment, then I realised, perhaps yeahh those 2 really didnt need to be selected at all.
And then it just struck me like that, real hard, that perhaps after all, my da ge really knew me well. Yeahh it was his choice of not ticking those 2 that made me think why he didnt and I realised, yah maybe those 2 shldnt have been.
And then I realised - Sometimes we've got to look at ourselves, our lives and characteristics from other people's perspectives, in order to minimise our blind spots.
01:29; The Pianist'
Saturday, 22 November 2008
Self-conscious
Ahh becoming more and more self-conscious lately.
Definitely has its good and bad parts to it; just wondering which outweighs the other, which takes precedence over the other..?
Definitely has its good and bad parts to it; just wondering which outweighs the other, which takes precedence over the other..?
00:19; The Pianist'
Friday, 21 November 2008
kbox with solomon knights!
Before I Fall In Love - Coco Lee
My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I fee
l'Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what to see
Or is it true, could you really be
[CHORUS]
Something to have and hold
With my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love
I'm at the point of on return
So afraid of getting burned
But I want to take a change
Please, give me a reason to believe
Say, that you're the one, that you'll always be
[CHORUS]
It's been so hard for me to give my heart away
But I would give my everything,
Just to hear you say (you're)
勇气-梁静茹
终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己
最怕你忽然说要放弃
爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心 你的真心
如果我的坚强任性
会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒
我虽然心太急
更害怕错过你
My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I fee
l'Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what to see
Or is it true, could you really be
[CHORUS]
Something to have and hold
With my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love
I'm at the point of on return
So afraid of getting burned
But I want to take a change
Please, give me a reason to believe
Say, that you're the one, that you'll always be
[CHORUS]
It's been so hard for me to give my heart away
But I would give my everything,
Just to hear you say (you're)
勇气-梁静茹
终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去
我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己
最怕你忽然说要放弃
爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心 你的真心
如果我的坚强任性
会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒
我虽然心太急
更害怕错过你
00:51; The Pianist'
Thursday, 20 November 2008
rusty brain..
Was on the bus just now and at one of the traffic junctions, I saw a wheelchair-bound person make his way to the dustbin and throw away his trash. Made me think of ppl like us who have a full body intact but are sometimes just so lazy to hold onto our trash until we hit the next dustbin...
And as I was walking along the corridors of my block, I suddenly thought of sth random.. Yes, we should love our neighbours. What if I love my neighbour, but not my neighbour's dog? =p
And as I was walking along the corridors of my block, I suddenly thought of sth random.. Yes, we should love our neighbours. What if I love my neighbour, but not my neighbour's dog? =p
14:45; The Pianist'
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
random nap
Was playing the piano and then my dad's phone rang, so I decided to be nice and stop and went to lie on my bed while waiting.
And that was when I felt lazy, and some form of fatigue crept in me, and before I knew it I was already in dreamland.
Woke up 2 hours later to find that it's coming to 8pm =
And that was when I felt lazy, and some form of fatigue crept in me, and before I knew it I was already in dreamland.
Woke up 2 hours later to find that it's coming to 8pm =
19:55; The Pianist'
random thoughts and stuff
Was just thinking the other day that as long as you are mr nice guy, no matter what, people will like you somehow.
I mean, even if your looks ain't too flattering, even if your family isn't well-to-do, even if you are just an average guy without additional skills or expertise, simply the fact that you are mr nice guy will make people attracted to you. That's how things work ba =Z Where you are less-than-ideal, you make it up with your nice character - you never know who out there is already charmed by that simple allure.
And then there's another thing which will always make someone charming and attractive, and that's knowledge. The more things you know, the more trivia you have stored in your brain, the more information you can give to the people around you, at the same time while entertaining and educating, it's some form of complex attraction. I don't know how to fully express it but when you are on the listening end, taking in the random facts of life a person has to tell you, it's that longing, anticipation, amazement, awe and wonder that makes the person seem so fascinating.
And along with that comes bundled with conversation. Maybe that's why things are unraveling in this unsettling manner. Okay rephrase - maybe that's why thoughs are fleeting in at such a seemingly random fashion.
But as for me, when I am out with someone who is more knowledgable and is able to tell me those random facts of life, I suddenly feel like I've lost all that I only have and I'll just be on the listening end, turn passive and not so me after all. Maybe that's why some people in a relationship feel that they are not good enough for the other party. Always felt that there's no such thing as whether you are good enough or not, but I guess, maybe I'm starting to see how people may end up with such a conclusion of themselves.
Maybe, just maybe..
I mean, even if your looks ain't too flattering, even if your family isn't well-to-do, even if you are just an average guy without additional skills or expertise, simply the fact that you are mr nice guy will make people attracted to you. That's how things work ba =Z Where you are less-than-ideal, you make it up with your nice character - you never know who out there is already charmed by that simple allure.
And then there's another thing which will always make someone charming and attractive, and that's knowledge. The more things you know, the more trivia you have stored in your brain, the more information you can give to the people around you, at the same time while entertaining and educating, it's some form of complex attraction. I don't know how to fully express it but when you are on the listening end, taking in the random facts of life a person has to tell you, it's that longing, anticipation, amazement, awe and wonder that makes the person seem so fascinating.
And along with that comes bundled with conversation. Maybe that's why things are unraveling in this unsettling manner. Okay rephrase - maybe that's why thoughs are fleeting in at such a seemingly random fashion.
But as for me, when I am out with someone who is more knowledgable and is able to tell me those random facts of life, I suddenly feel like I've lost all that I only have and I'll just be on the listening end, turn passive and not so me after all. Maybe that's why some people in a relationship feel that they are not good enough for the other party. Always felt that there's no such thing as whether you are good enough or not, but I guess, maybe I'm starting to see how people may end up with such a conclusion of themselves.
Maybe, just maybe..
09:58; The Pianist'
Monday, 17 November 2008
font size change
Ahh decided to make the font larger so that it's easier to read and then I don't spoil the eyesight of anyone who reads my blog.
Hmmms but it's a lil too big to look nice and neat? Hmmms comments anyone?
And I still can't figure out why I can't leave a line in between the paragraphs even though when I blog I do leave a line. I've gotta leave 2 lines to make things work nicely =S Weirdded.
Hmmms but it's a lil too big to look nice and neat? Hmmms comments anyone?
And I still can't figure out why I can't leave a line in between the paragraphs even though when I blog I do leave a line. I've gotta leave 2 lines to make things work nicely =S Weirdded.
02:06; The Pianist'
one month, one week, and counting..
Today was great, with interesting sermon and fun dinner.
Sermon was on pressing on in hard situations - something which has been overtalked, I guess. But somehow today's message just got to me; felt refreshed and energised and especially that warm feeling when I was reminded that God is in control of everything.
Dinner at railmall with isaaclim, xiucheng, jiaming, wenhan, corrine and meijun for bachormee. Haha okay lah now price raise liao mah =X So anyways, after that isaacwong joined us at cold storage and then we bought yoghurt, oreo, 2 packs of chips, and an apple strudel from next door, went to isaac's place the swimming pool there and eat. Haha and we discovered that oreo + yoghurt, lightly salted kettle chips + yoghurt, and apple strudel + yoghurt are seriously gd stuff! Woots!
Haha okay probably added weight and calories and fats. But I shall be healthy and go exercising tmr; hopefully it doesn't rain.
And I think I shldnt whine about fats and weight and diet anymore. Not a very healthy nor a constructive thing to do eh. Haha.
And it's true that mixing with a certain group of people long enough will cause traits to rub off on you.
Sermon was on pressing on in hard situations - something which has been overtalked, I guess. But somehow today's message just got to me; felt refreshed and energised and especially that warm feeling when I was reminded that God is in control of everything.
Dinner at railmall with isaaclim, xiucheng, jiaming, wenhan, corrine and meijun for bachormee. Haha okay lah now price raise liao mah =X So anyways, after that isaacwong joined us at cold storage and then we bought yoghurt, oreo, 2 packs of chips, and an apple strudel from next door, went to isaac's place the swimming pool there and eat. Haha and we discovered that oreo + yoghurt, lightly salted kettle chips + yoghurt, and apple strudel + yoghurt are seriously gd stuff! Woots!
Haha okay probably added weight and calories and fats. But I shall be healthy and go exercising tmr; hopefully it doesn't rain.
And I think I shldnt whine about fats and weight and diet anymore. Not a very healthy nor a constructive thing to do eh. Haha.
And it's true that mixing with a certain group of people long enough will cause traits to rub off on you.
01:42; The Pianist'
Thursday, 13 November 2008
New beginning
And decided to change my blogskin since I now officially an NSmen.
Decided to steer away from emo stuff lest people find my blog still giving off the depressive vibes. Still, didn't want to lose my character and style, so decided to go with sth simple, and black.
So there you have it, a new skin which kinda suits my next phase of my life - piano!
At first I thought that the red colour in the picture at the top was kinda out of place, but somehow the more I look at it, the more I find it interesting.
It's some form of strange charm and allure.
Okay, gonna rest for now, will touch up a bit of the layout and stuff in the next few days. Just drop a msg if you've got any comments yeah?
ORD LO!
Decided to steer away from emo stuff lest people find my blog still giving off the depressive vibes. Still, didn't want to lose my character and style, so decided to go with sth simple, and black.
So there you have it, a new skin which kinda suits my next phase of my life - piano!
At first I thought that the red colour in the picture at the top was kinda out of place, but somehow the more I look at it, the more I find it interesting.
It's some form of strange charm and allure.
Okay, gonna rest for now, will touch up a bit of the layout and stuff in the next few days. Just drop a msg if you've got any comments yeah?
ORD LO!
02:01; The Pianist'
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
In Love Again - Karen Kong
When you smile
My life becomes a ray of light
Sing me a lullaby
To sleep at midnight
I'll be hypnotized
When looked into your eyes
Turn off the room light
Let's spend the night
* Take me to far away
Away to your secret place
Take my tears my fears
Take all my pain
For which I'll repay someday
With a kiss and say
Can't believe that I'm in love
In love again
When the stars don't shine
And when the birds don't fly
And when the flowers cry
And when the rain runs dry
When the violet's red
And when the rose turns blue
Baby I'm still in love with you
My life becomes a ray of light
Sing me a lullaby
To sleep at midnight
I'll be hypnotized
When looked into your eyes
Turn off the room light
Let's spend the night
* Take me to far away
Away to your secret place
Take my tears my fears
Take all my pain
For which I'll repay someday
With a kiss and say
Can't believe that I'm in love
In love again
When the stars don't shine
And when the birds don't fly
And when the flowers cry
And when the rain runs dry
When the violet's red
And when the rose turns blue
Baby I'm still in love with you
01:42; The Pianist'
Monday, 10 November 2008
Flood flood flood
Mann..
That whole influx and outburst of strong emotions for the Youth Ministry and stuff again.
It's a whole mish mash of things and haiz, don't wanna overthink on that or I know I'll end up feeling all alone and weak and useless again.
Thanks to the few who's been edging me along.
Cannot have system overload man.
Is cannot..
That whole influx and outburst of strong emotions for the Youth Ministry and stuff again.
It's a whole mish mash of things and haiz, don't wanna overthink on that or I know I'll end up feeling all alone and weak and useless again.
Thanks to the few who's been edging me along.
Cannot have system overload man.
Is cannot..
01:19; The Pianist'
Friday, 7 November 2008
Re-thinking after dad's sharing
And I have been pretty upbeat the past few weeks - accomplishing myself with exercise and packing stuff. But then it struck me so starkly just now: maybe subconsciously I'm just trying to fill some kind of void.
And it all started off when my dad started talking just now. I mean, it was really nice to have the whole family including my sis-in-law sit down at the dinner table and just talk over fruits and snacks. It was light hearted and I always treasure such moments.
And then my dad suddenly felt like talking about his life story [kind-of] and the heartaches and simple pleasures in life, amidst other stuff that he's been thinking and all. It was nice to hear stuff from him as always, since we don't really get such chances. But, it just got me thinking and yeahh, that's when my life suddenly caved in. Internally in that confined spaces of the subconscious. Or is it unconscious? Whatever.
The thing that got me thinking was about planning even when young, especially when we tend to just work and chiong and not give much thought to life. I mean, at 20+ when you just started on your career, who actually thinks about retirement? And that was exactly what my dad cautioned us against.
Then he talked about how glad he was to have had children when he was only 20+, such that by his age now, the four of us are pretty grown up and matured enough to understand about life and the importance of working hard in our studies and all. He was contrasting it with the others his age who had kids still in secsch or prisch and have to worry about their future. I mean, both my brothers don't really depend that much on my dad anymore, and as for my sis and I, it's just a few more years of financial dependence and he don't have to worry that much. So much so that he can think of retiring and enjoying life.
Comparing to those 50+ yrs old and still have to worry about their kids, O levels, worrying about their future if results ain't that fantastic etc etc etc.
So that got me started. I've always wanted to get married in late twenties, and have my first kid by 30. Not that bad a plan, I guess. Not a bad one until I think of the whole process of getting a suitable spouse, which stems from getting a giflfriend. So I jokingly told my dad, so the moral of the story is to either hurry up get a gf and then get married early and then give birth, or just not get married. And he actually said yah, if not shldn't get married 'cos you may actually be harming the other party. Then I realised, whatever I commented previously, may not have been entirely said in jest. Conscious effort to interject with a lame comment, but subconsciously I figured that may actually have been how I wanted my life to be.
Yea I planned my marriage age, when I want my first kid, how many kids I want, the names of the kids. And people have always said I'm a family man, which I know I pretty much am. People can imagine me as a father, an uncle in the family, and I have to admit I do know whre they are coming from.
But it just struck me so hard just now. Is that really what I want? Do I yearn to settle down with family that much?
Then I answered myself, maybe it's just part of the normal acceptable social norm thing which fed my craving to have a family. I guess, maybe I'll just end up without a proper family.
---
Then my father raised the issue of the whole family being together, and that he and my mum take more of a passive role in our lives now that we are much more grown up. So a lot of times he leaves us to handle our own things, trust us to know what's the right thing to do and work hard in our studies and all. And when we have issues or stuff we wanna talk about then we can just approach them about it. Yeahh that's been pretty much how things have been. My parents are really nice about it, not putting a step too much into our lives, more than accommodating to our choices and all. I have to say I really love them. Indeed.
But even though they say that as a family, we'll always be there to support and help out no matter what, but some stuff you just don't really voice out to your parents that easily isn't it? There's the hesitation and worry and all.
I mean, you don't exactly walk up to your parents and tell them 'hey dad, I'm pregnant' or 'hey dad, I got someone pregnant'. Of course that's not the case for me but some stuff ain't that simple to handle, especially in the asian context where the whole chinese culture and background thing plays such a big part. You just don't go up to your dad and say 'hey I think I want a change of religion', or say 'hey dad, you know, I've really got a big prob with pornography', nor do you walk into their room and say 'hey dad and mum, as much as I love you, but you know I'm seeing this really wonderful woman who's only 20 years older than me...' Yeah you get the idea.
Of course even with that, as much as you are afraid for your parents to find out, you still do hope that they'll somehow get a hint of it and then ask you about it first so it spares you the agony of breaking the news? Like hoping they'll notice your frequent mysterious conversations over the phone, checking up of doctors and abortions, frequenting the buddhist temple down the road, or stumbling upon your history of artistic websites visited, or having a lady send you home for the past few weeks.
Don't ask me why, but this popped into my mind when I was showering.
---
So there goes. I really don't wanna plan. Don't wanna make decisions. And I've been running away from making decisions lately. From the most simple ones like deciding when and where to meet for meals, to bigger things like deciding certain things. If you look closely enough you'll get what I mean.
That same old feeling of hating to decide. Of afraid to face up to the consequences of my wrong decisions and actions.
And who knows when's the next wrong step, when's the next checkmate?
And it all started off when my dad started talking just now. I mean, it was really nice to have the whole family including my sis-in-law sit down at the dinner table and just talk over fruits and snacks. It was light hearted and I always treasure such moments.
And then my dad suddenly felt like talking about his life story [kind-of] and the heartaches and simple pleasures in life, amidst other stuff that he's been thinking and all. It was nice to hear stuff from him as always, since we don't really get such chances. But, it just got me thinking and yeahh, that's when my life suddenly caved in. Internally in that confined spaces of the subconscious. Or is it unconscious? Whatever.
The thing that got me thinking was about planning even when young, especially when we tend to just work and chiong and not give much thought to life. I mean, at 20+ when you just started on your career, who actually thinks about retirement? And that was exactly what my dad cautioned us against.
Then he talked about how glad he was to have had children when he was only 20+, such that by his age now, the four of us are pretty grown up and matured enough to understand about life and the importance of working hard in our studies and all. He was contrasting it with the others his age who had kids still in secsch or prisch and have to worry about their future. I mean, both my brothers don't really depend that much on my dad anymore, and as for my sis and I, it's just a few more years of financial dependence and he don't have to worry that much. So much so that he can think of retiring and enjoying life.
Comparing to those 50+ yrs old and still have to worry about their kids, O levels, worrying about their future if results ain't that fantastic etc etc etc.
So that got me started. I've always wanted to get married in late twenties, and have my first kid by 30. Not that bad a plan, I guess. Not a bad one until I think of the whole process of getting a suitable spouse, which stems from getting a giflfriend. So I jokingly told my dad, so the moral of the story is to either hurry up get a gf and then get married early and then give birth, or just not get married. And he actually said yah, if not shldn't get married 'cos you may actually be harming the other party. Then I realised, whatever I commented previously, may not have been entirely said in jest. Conscious effort to interject with a lame comment, but subconsciously I figured that may actually have been how I wanted my life to be.
Yea I planned my marriage age, when I want my first kid, how many kids I want, the names of the kids. And people have always said I'm a family man, which I know I pretty much am. People can imagine me as a father, an uncle in the family, and I have to admit I do know whre they are coming from.
But it just struck me so hard just now. Is that really what I want? Do I yearn to settle down with family that much?
Then I answered myself, maybe it's just part of the normal acceptable social norm thing which fed my craving to have a family. I guess, maybe I'll just end up without a proper family.
---
Then my father raised the issue of the whole family being together, and that he and my mum take more of a passive role in our lives now that we are much more grown up. So a lot of times he leaves us to handle our own things, trust us to know what's the right thing to do and work hard in our studies and all. And when we have issues or stuff we wanna talk about then we can just approach them about it. Yeahh that's been pretty much how things have been. My parents are really nice about it, not putting a step too much into our lives, more than accommodating to our choices and all. I have to say I really love them. Indeed.
But even though they say that as a family, we'll always be there to support and help out no matter what, but some stuff you just don't really voice out to your parents that easily isn't it? There's the hesitation and worry and all.
I mean, you don't exactly walk up to your parents and tell them 'hey dad, I'm pregnant' or 'hey dad, I got someone pregnant'. Of course that's not the case for me but some stuff ain't that simple to handle, especially in the asian context where the whole chinese culture and background thing plays such a big part. You just don't go up to your dad and say 'hey I think I want a change of religion', or say 'hey dad, you know, I've really got a big prob with pornography', nor do you walk into their room and say 'hey dad and mum, as much as I love you, but you know I'm seeing this really wonderful woman who's only 20 years older than me...' Yeah you get the idea.
Of course even with that, as much as you are afraid for your parents to find out, you still do hope that they'll somehow get a hint of it and then ask you about it first so it spares you the agony of breaking the news? Like hoping they'll notice your frequent mysterious conversations over the phone, checking up of doctors and abortions, frequenting the buddhist temple down the road, or stumbling upon your history of artistic websites visited, or having a lady send you home for the past few weeks.
Don't ask me why, but this popped into my mind when I was showering.
---
So there goes. I really don't wanna plan. Don't wanna make decisions. And I've been running away from making decisions lately. From the most simple ones like deciding when and where to meet for meals, to bigger things like deciding certain things. If you look closely enough you'll get what I mean.
That same old feeling of hating to decide. Of afraid to face up to the consequences of my wrong decisions and actions.
And who knows when's the next wrong step, when's the next checkmate?
00:38; The Pianist'
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
12km/h
Just done running 12km in an hour!
So that makes my speed to be 12km/h. Haha
Ok lah it was great running such a distance, in such a timing. Makes 21km seems probable to be accomplished in less than 2hours.
But, the last 1km just now was ran with some ankle discomfort and protest from my knees. Haha don't know if I can sustain that pace for another 9km :Z
Ohwells, gotta start increasing my distances le.. 12km... 16km... 18km [?]... and *gasp* 21km!
I think I might leave 21km to 7dec itself, just like what I did last yr for 10km :S But then, hmmms.. or maybe just run it once to know the feeling.
Ahh whatever. For now, just gonna bask in happiness that I completed my 12km for today.. Haha =)
So that makes my speed to be 12km/h. Haha
Ok lah it was great running such a distance, in such a timing. Makes 21km seems probable to be accomplished in less than 2hours.
But, the last 1km just now was ran with some ankle discomfort and protest from my knees. Haha don't know if I can sustain that pace for another 9km :Z
Ohwells, gotta start increasing my distances le.. 12km... 16km... 18km [?]... and *gasp* 21km!
I think I might leave 21km to 7dec itself, just like what I did last yr for 10km :S But then, hmmms.. or maybe just run it once to know the feeling.
Ahh whatever. For now, just gonna bask in happiness that I completed my 12km for today.. Haha =)
23:47; The Pianist'
Packing stuff
Okay finally managed to pack my stuff which are kept in my sister's room. Two small cupboard compartments where I keep all my church stuff and christian books, and one drawer where I keep all my notes and letters.
Ahh finally sorted out that church stuff in thr, shall post a few pics the nxt time when I'm done settling my bookshelves as well.
As for now, just wanna blog abt my letters/notes drawers =)
Ok so this was how it looked like originally, with all those plastic bags chucked inside too. Hmms it's really a great deal of notes and letters coz I nv threw a single one away. Haha I'm serious!
The popular plastic bag contains all the V-day notes I received in J1 (class and choir inclusive), comics connection's got all my choir handover 2006 notes and letters from my batch and also junior batch, fujifilm one has the JC angel & mortal 2005 notes (again both S70 and choir included), the 77th street one has the church angel & mortal 2005 stuff, the cute bearbear wrapping paper thinggy was my 15th birthday in 2003, those green stuff at the bottom left are part of a 'cake' given by iloveegg, and last but not least the big card with my name on the envelope is from songyang for christmas 2006.
Okayy a closer look at the metal container (without the lid) where I store all my notes. And my letters are arranged in the two tissue boxes. HAHA
Ok lah, it was really fun and nostalgic to read through some of those notes and letters all over again, making me surprised at times when I realised that some ppl actually had written to me before. =) It was heartwarming, to say the least.
To read through those christmas and birthday wishes all over again, after all these years, just make them appear to be so much more precious.
And saw this line on one of the letters which my angel from my senior class wrote to me when I was in J1:
'always remember that in whatever you do, you have to try to understand. don't be rash, don't jump to conclusions, there's always a story behind everyone's words so you must seek to understand, even if you disagree.. ok?'
Hmmms, 'there's always a story behind everyone's words....'
And then someone wrote a letter to me after the person read this line from one of my blog entries"
'I simply don't understand why God has chosen to let me understand my physical/worldly emptiness and to rekindle and intensify my worldly desire only to show me then my spiritual emptiness.'
Woahh I don't even remember coining this line and I must say I am amazed by my own phrasing. Hmmms. Anyways, in that letter, that friend wrote this line which when I re-read it just now, I thought was a nice way to look at things from a different perspective:
'I feel like I'm an onion, peeling away layer by layer. But this time I feel happy and liberated.' Indeed, I thought it was a really refreshing opinion!
And then there's this quote which I thought was really apt and nice:
'Where words fail, music speaks.' - Hans Christian Anderson
Ok sorry if the above didnt make sense, just wanted to blog down a few things that touched me just now, amidst many others.
And this is the oldest letter I have in my 'collection'! A whopping EIGHT years. HA! Beat that. :P Ok lah, it was from lilinglaoshi and her invitation to bring the class to sungei buloh.
Edited the photo so that I could bring show 2 sides of the card so if you look carefully (ok, maybe no need for that careful a look), you will know what I mean.
And I blurred out my address and her hp/house number for fear of... *gasp* STALKERS! Haha, seriously, with the world as it is nowadays, you really have no idea what sort of people hangs out in here on the internet.
And finally! this is my packed drawer! *beams*
All the notes nicely stored inside my jacob's biscuit tin. Hehhs. Notes in biscuit tins, and letters/notes with envelopes in the two tissue boxes. =)
Ahh it was really nice to take these things out and browse through them for a while just now =) kinda spent 3 hours packing the cupboard shelf and this drawer. Hehhs. And with that, now I'm just left with my bookshelf to pack - which is quite a nightmare because of all the music sheets/scores/books/files as well. RAWRRRS.
Ahh finally sorted out that church stuff in thr, shall post a few pics the nxt time when I'm done settling my bookshelves as well.
As for now, just wanna blog abt my letters/notes drawers =)
Ok so this was how it looked like originally, with all those plastic bags chucked inside too. Hmms it's really a great deal of notes and letters coz I nv threw a single one away. Haha I'm serious!
The popular plastic bag contains all the V-day notes I received in J1 (class and choir inclusive), comics connection's got all my choir handover 2006 notes and letters from my batch and also junior batch, fujifilm one has the JC angel & mortal 2005 notes (again both S70 and choir included), the 77th street one has the church angel & mortal 2005 stuff, the cute bearbear wrapping paper thinggy was my 15th birthday in 2003, those green stuff at the bottom left are part of a 'cake' given by iloveegg, and last but not least the big card with my name on the envelope is from songyang for christmas 2006.
Okayy a closer look at the metal container (without the lid) where I store all my notes. And my letters are arranged in the two tissue boxes. HAHA
Ok lah, it was really fun and nostalgic to read through some of those notes and letters all over again, making me surprised at times when I realised that some ppl actually had written to me before. =) It was heartwarming, to say the least.
To read through those christmas and birthday wishes all over again, after all these years, just make them appear to be so much more precious.
And saw this line on one of the letters which my angel from my senior class wrote to me when I was in J1:
'always remember that in whatever you do, you have to try to understand. don't be rash, don't jump to conclusions, there's always a story behind everyone's words so you must seek to understand, even if you disagree.. ok?'
Hmmms, 'there's always a story behind everyone's words....'
And then someone wrote a letter to me after the person read this line from one of my blog entries"
'I simply don't understand why God has chosen to let me understand my physical/worldly emptiness and to rekindle and intensify my worldly desire only to show me then my spiritual emptiness.'
Woahh I don't even remember coining this line and I must say I am amazed by my own phrasing. Hmmms. Anyways, in that letter, that friend wrote this line which when I re-read it just now, I thought was a nice way to look at things from a different perspective:
'I feel like I'm an onion, peeling away layer by layer. But this time I feel happy and liberated.' Indeed, I thought it was a really refreshing opinion!
And then there's this quote which I thought was really apt and nice:
'Where words fail, music speaks.' - Hans Christian Anderson
Ok sorry if the above didnt make sense, just wanted to blog down a few things that touched me just now, amidst many others.
And this is the oldest letter I have in my 'collection'! A whopping EIGHT years. HA! Beat that. :P Ok lah, it was from lilinglaoshi and her invitation to bring the class to sungei buloh.
Edited the photo so that I could bring show 2 sides of the card so if you look carefully (ok, maybe no need for that careful a look), you will know what I mean.
And I blurred out my address and her hp/house number for fear of... *gasp* STALKERS! Haha, seriously, with the world as it is nowadays, you really have no idea what sort of people hangs out in here on the internet.
And finally! this is my packed drawer! *beams*
All the notes nicely stored inside my jacob's biscuit tin. Hehhs. Notes in biscuit tins, and letters/notes with envelopes in the two tissue boxes. =)
Ahh it was really nice to take these things out and browse through them for a while just now =) kinda spent 3 hours packing the cupboard shelf and this drawer. Hehhs. And with that, now I'm just left with my bookshelf to pack - which is quite a nightmare because of all the music sheets/scores/books/files as well. RAWRRRS.
19:35; The Pianist'
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Biennale 2008
Went for the Singapore Biennale 2008 in the afternoon with kokhou.
But before I talk about that, just wanna say that I like the foodcourt in marina square! Went there for lunch just now and what really made my day was the music. Yeahh they were playing songs like sway and perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. The music of choice seems to be this sort of jazzy bluey latiny kinda stuff, which I think I'll be indulging soon. =)
Ok back to the biennale...
Hmms nothing much I wanna say, just that I thought the one 2 years ago was much better. :(
Or I expect too much.
Okok, will post pics and write a more substantial entry together with it next time..
But before I talk about that, just wanna say that I like the foodcourt in marina square! Went there for lunch just now and what really made my day was the music. Yeahh they were playing songs like sway and perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. The music of choice seems to be this sort of jazzy bluey latiny kinda stuff, which I think I'll be indulging soon. =)
Ok back to the biennale...
Hmms nothing much I wanna say, just that I thought the one 2 years ago was much better. :(
Or I expect too much.
Okok, will post pics and write a more substantial entry together with it next time..
20:10; The Pianist'
Monday, 3 November 2008
Running
Wooots! Just done running 9km in 45mins.
Personal best so far. Okay lah, probably considered noobster compared to the pro ones but still, a feat for myself!
Maybe running 21km in less than 2 hrs may not be such an impossibility after all.
But still, gotta start increasing my distance clocked or I am so not gonna make it in time for 7dec. >.<
Personal best so far. Okay lah, probably considered noobster compared to the pro ones but still, a feat for myself!
Maybe running 21km in less than 2 hrs may not be such an impossibility after all.
But still, gotta start increasing my distance clocked or I am so not gonna make it in time for 7dec. >.<
23:33; The Pianist'
Soft toys
Was packing up my army stuff and then randomly sorted my soft toys as well.
Yeahh so I'm a guy and I have soft toys, so what. They have always been a substantial part in my life anyways.
So decided to be even more random and took a photo of those that I currently have...
one, two three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.. not counting the yellow star 'cause it's supposed to be some massager or sorts.
Yeaps so all, except the doraemon, are presents from ppl: class, church peeps etc.
Doraemon's been with me for the longest, as early as my memory started. But I think it's time to move on from that. Probably gonna throw it away next week. Mum's been bugging me to clear my soft toys. :S
17:31; The Pianist'
Social creature
Met up with alison and songyang at vivo yesterday.
Chatted and catch up with one another, talked about random things ranging from really silly stuff to hypothetical situations to our concerns and thoughts for the future.
And as alison puts it really nicely, even though we may not always go out as often as last time, but the fact that and the knowledge that we can still like meet up once in a while and still so candidly chat and share everything, is indeed a nice feeling. =)
Then today's dinner was spent with gracey corrine isaac jm at lot1.
Same thing, chat and catching up and random-ing around.
And it's always really nice to just be around people and friends.
And with the upcoming 05S70 class outing, and the bmt platoon outing coming up as well, I guess one would be right in saying I'm a social creature.
So I guess I really shld spend more time during weekdays to stay at home and stuff. Hehhs.
Social creature I really am.
Chatted and catch up with one another, talked about random things ranging from really silly stuff to hypothetical situations to our concerns and thoughts for the future.
And as alison puts it really nicely, even though we may not always go out as often as last time, but the fact that and the knowledge that we can still like meet up once in a while and still so candidly chat and share everything, is indeed a nice feeling. =)
Then today's dinner was spent with gracey corrine isaac jm at lot1.
Same thing, chat and catching up and random-ing around.
And it's always really nice to just be around people and friends.
And with the upcoming 05S70 class outing, and the bmt platoon outing coming up as well, I guess one would be right in saying I'm a social creature.
So I guess I really shld spend more time during weekdays to stay at home and stuff. Hehhs.
Social creature I really am.
00:41; The Pianist'
thePIANIST;
~ice dragon~
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
theLOVE;
violin
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love
theWISH;
personalised room
keyboard
games
books
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
theCHATTERBOX;
theESCAPES;
| 05S70 | Alfred | Andy Ng | Andy Paul Chen | Ben Teo | Ben Tan | Cheng Leng | Cherie | Chong Chen | Duo Jie | Eddie | Guan Han | Jeremy | Jun Hao | Kok Hong | Min Jie | Qu Kui | Samuel | Sean Leong | Shao Kai | Xin-ying | Xing Yan | Xun Yu | Yao Zhong | Yi Cheng | Ying Xia | Yu Shu | Zhi Yu |
~`church
| Adeline |
Grace Heah |
Grace Yam |
GUM |
iloveegg:) |
Isaac Lim |
Jeremy |
Jiaming |
Kenneth |
Quan Yong |
Sharon |
Solomon Knights =) |
Wenqi |
Xuemin |
Yineng |
Yingshan |
Yingshin |
ZhengYang |
~`others
| Brandon |
Choon Heng |
Isaac |
Jensen |
Jing Yuan |
Kai Him |
Kai Siang |
Lawrence |
Yoke Beng |
Zhi Xin |
theHISTORY;
theCREDITS;
host: bloggerbrushes : x
picture: x x
designer: Wintermin