thePIANIST

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

random mail lines

Got an email in my mail from someone who mattered, and just quoting some lines from the mail that struck me. Hmm i'm in the thinking mood again.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We' ve added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak!
And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

11:08; The Pianist'

Sunday, 28 December 2008

:) And I can never thank God enough for putting you in my life, making things easier all the time. Thanks dude =)

01:00; The Pianist'

Saturday, 27 December 2008

Rationality VS Emotionality

Through the past few years, esp the past 2, I've changed into a more rational person - sometimes my head ruling over my heart. Of course there are still times when I go by my heart, but instances of such are diminishing exponentially with the encroachment of the rational state of mind.

Nahh, this aint a post debating over which is better, or whether I'm resisting such a change or not. Well, of course if you ask me I would say it's better that now I am more a balanced character - not stuck in either extreme. Still, being still new to this whole delicate balancing act, I sometimes find myself stuck in hesitation and deliberation because I am able to see things from both sides so well. So when it comes to the crunch, and I need to make that all-important decision, I find myself in that indecisive nature, hence the ensuing battle between the mind and the heart.

In the past it was way easier, for such in-betweens don't persist, merely a fleeting cloud in the big wide sky - insignificant yet necessary, noticeable but perfunctory. The conflict between the angel and the devil lasts for merely that few moments, and I know I'll always end up following my heart.

But now that I've changed to be more balanced, I can't dismiss the rational thoughts anymore and they seem to come back haunting once in a while. So even when I find myself landed in the same situation as before, I am now incapable of making that decision. And it seriously sucks when you can't decide, when you're caught in that state of contemplation and incapable of making a decision. Even though in the past I may end up in the wrong path, and taking the road less traveled, but at the very least I could make a decision to end the agony of being suspended in air - albeit only to fall down hard to the ground. After all, I just had to let time work its way of slowly easing that pain. But the agony of being suspended in mid-air is one that cannot be removed unless a decision is made.

And I find myself in that undecisive moment, suspended for God knows how long.

23:53; The Pianist'

Friday, 26 December 2008

American jurist Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Individual, personal quirks inadvertently injuring the persons or property of others are no less damaging than intentional acts. In order for society to function, "a certain average of conduct, a sacrifice of individual peculiarities going beyond a certain point, is necessary to the general welfare."

09:01; The Pianist'

Thursday, 25 December 2008

Sis baptism and class bday

Sis got baptised last Sunday, 21Dec2008. Well, it's a milestone for her and one for me too.

Through the years, I've seen how she's grown and matured - physically, emotionally and definitely spiritually too. Of course, well, there are still lotsa things that she can learn and stuff but seeing her make that decision to take that step and proclaim her faith in front of everybody, I guess it takes that amount of courage and faith too.

And so with that, I'm the only one left in the family that's not baptised yet. Dad and mum been pushing me to get baptised the same time as my sis, people in church have been asking when's my turn, and esp now that my sis is done with hers, the question of getting baptised seems even more inevitable and unavoidable. Nope, it's not that I'm trying to avoid the topic of baptism, but it's just I have my reasons to not choose that path yet, will still see how God leads me in this area yeah?

-----

Celebrated Solomon Knights bday on Monday - a change from our traditional 26dec. I guess this year on, our class will be celebrating out bday tgt on diff days, considering everyone's differing schedules and available dates. Ohwells. But still, really had a blast on Monday.

Started off with badminton in the morning at 10am at gombak which left most of us aching either in our forearms, gluts, and/or thighs. Nonetheless, it was a great sweat-out, something different from our usual class outings of having meals together. And if everyone's reactions and sentiments were anything to go by, I believe that wun be the last time we'll be playing badminton together :)

Proceeded to bpp to lunch at subway and then shopping at ntuc for steamboat dinner stuff. Was interesting and accomplishment and breakthrough to have the whole class walking ntuc together shopping and buying things, deliberating and debating what to buy and what not to buy. In the end, we bummed around at sharon's house from like 3-ish to 11.30pm, had a fun time watching Kungfu Panda, had a great steamboat dinner, was nice chatting around a lil' and doing stupid things here and there, and also was a great blast sharing towards the end of the night... It was really wonderful that people could share easily and comfortably here and there, and these precious moments spent with my dear knights will always be in my heart. :)

01:40; The Pianist'

Saturday, 13 December 2008

open wounds..

And some wounds just don't heal. Or maybe just not that quickly. And they are so easily torn open once again. Just by a simple remark by a joking jest, or a word of concern that just happens to trigger the reflexes.

And then you react in a way you really didnt want to and caused the other party unnecessary hurt and shock and guilt.

Ohwell, what can I say? May time work its magic..

22:22; The Pianist'

Friday, 12 December 2008

All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas is You...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
(and I) Don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...You baby

Oh I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
(and I) I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You baby

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere (so brightly yea)
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing (oh yea)
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need -
won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is You baby

02:33; The Pianist'

Thursday, 11 December 2008

random brother-crave ramblings

And it just struck me so hard just now why I always craved for an elder brother. It's not because having two older brothers aint enough, or that they arent setting a good example for me; it's just that I've never been really close to either of them, though I know once in a while I can chat some stuff with my second bro and my eldest bro will be always more than willing to listen if I care to share, and I definitely appreciate the many efforts he makes into trying to chat me up here and there, to try to catch up once in a while here and there, but I guess, certain things once a habit, it's pretty hard to shake off..?

And I just crave for an elder brother who can be totally in sync with my life and can just let me feel comfortable and free to share my life and can understand what I'm going through and knows the kind of road and crossjunctions I may run into. And now standing at this point where university courses choices await, I find myself lacking in serious solid advice. Not that my parents ain't giving, nor my friends aren't providing; it's just that I need an elder bro - someone who's just been through it not too long ago and can tell me how to freaking spend my eight months productively and fulfillingly. And it seems like my eldest bro kinda fits this mould - JC, army, then wait for uni. But, his era was the time when commerce was the IN thing in JC. Yeah when there was still freaking commerce in the pre-u studies.

And I realised all my life I've been surviving without an elder brother looking out for me. Sure thing, my family's support's something I know I can always count on and something that's been pushing me on through the tough times, and the overwhelming love I always get showered with from all my friends, and the many many sacrifices various people made for me that I never knew of. But these things help you through the tough time - meaning that you're already hit head-on in the wave of such strife. What I'm craving for is someone there to look out for me and give me timely advice at the appropriate junctures and the significant milestones in my life.

I mean, I've had a few wrong turns in my life. Okay, maybe more than a few. Quite a fair share of my head banging against the wall, barking up the wrong tree, 误打误撞，ending up with a bump from my childhood life and more injuries in my adolescent years which I'm still coping. And in the process of it all, through all these learning, I've made wrong turns and back-tracked more than a few times. Sure, that's a great way to learn the various experiences but I know if I had an elder brother there for me to look up to all the time, things would have been different.

Things would so have been different. Maybe that's why I'm trying to play out that role to different people in my lives. Yet, there's this sense of apprehension in me that grips me and my heart just skips a beat, contemplating whether I'll be leading them down the wrong path more than helping them avoid it. No matter what people may say about me, or how I may think about myself, the cold hard truth just stands out so glaringly in all its naked glory - I'll never know till the future unravels and shows itself...

23:39; The Pianist'

Improving English and Expanding Vocabulary

Once in a while, I have people who ask me where I acquire my seemingly vast vocabulary. Of course, compared to my many other friends and school counterparts, I do know mine is nowhere impressive; looking at my blog entries and posts, I can understand why some may think that English is my forte.

Actually, it's a pretty simple affair. Currently I'm reading this book Generation MySpace by Candice Kelsey, a book written for parents on the impact of MySpace and related websites on adolescents and how to deal with it. And just now when I was reading it in the train, in a span of 50pages, I came across these words that I didnt know the meaning or werent sure.
tirade, jibe, invective, throes, zeitgeist, sophomore, mortified, rambunctious, mired, debilitating, crass, unfazed, esconed, precocious, veritable
That's a whopping 15 words in 50pages.

And so, the point of my entry - I don't read the dictionary, nor subscribe to learning new words, but what I do is to note down the words that are unfamiliar and then check out the meaning, and most impt of all, to try to incorporate them into my daily life. And the best way so far? Attempt to use some of the words when I'm blogging.

1) MAKE THE EFFORT to note down the words that you come across as unfamiliar - scribble them down on a piece of paper, or simply type them into a note or memo in your hp.
2) MAKE THE EFFORT to check up on the meaning of those words, writing the meaning down and preferably putting this list on your table or somewhere visible so that you come across it once in a while.
3) MAKE THE EFFORT to try to use them in your daily life - be it blogging, texting, or speech. But of course, as humans, we all are afraid of embarrassment and so, I figured blogging is the best way to start, without the fear of people giving a HUH? and then you have to explain, without the fear of using that word wrongly 'cos you remembered the meaning wrongly, and definitely without the fear of people's immediate reaction/comments to your usage 'cause the blog's my private space...

And there you have it, it's all about making the effort. Come on, language is acquired, you aint borne into the world with a bombastic wordbank. And so, if you really wanna expand your vocabulary even the wee bit, you've got to make that effort.

00:42; The Pianist'

Monday, 8 December 2008

Stan Chart 2008 pic

rachel, bro2, bro1, me, sis-in-law

23:42; The Pianist'

Stan Chart 2008

And that's for StanChart this year.
Entire field means all those running in the half marathon category,
Gender is all males running in the half marathon category,

Division is all half marathon runners between 18 and 24 years old

And that's my average speed of 10.5km/h, compared to my 10.6km/h last year for 10km. But well, considered the waaaay more distance covered, I guess managing it at an almost same speed is a pretty gd achievement?

Haha okay so next year's 21.1km again to clock under 2 hours this time.

And to my dear Brandon, Jian Liang and Kenneth, well done guysss! :):):) Seriously proud of you guys completing the full marathon, and with pretty impressive timings too dudes! Yeap, meet up soon yeah? :)

And my dear Kokhou and YuenSheng, Congrats mannn! Haha =))

19:52; The Pianist'

Friday, 5 December 2008

function of my blog..

Thanks to all those who showed concern in one way or the other following my previous posts - not forgetting those who were silently praying for me and not asking me about it.

I know that my blog usually gives off the emo vibes but as I always explain to my friends, my blog is where I vent and let off steam, pen down my thought processes and work through my feelings and all. As for my happy times, I think I'm better off enjoying and savouring every moment of that than to write it down. Okay maybe occasionally, and that's why there'll be more so-called emo posts than happier ones.

But I've come to see my blog as a place where I can write down what I think about certain things in life, or some philosophical questions that just whirl around in my mind, or some reflections inspired by a particular event or incident - a haven for me to just be who I really am and think what I really think and feel what I really feel, without being judged for who I am and without societal pressures and norms that I feel obliged to conform to in my real life.

As such, some may say my blog persona appears vastly different from who I really am in life. But I guess, this blog is a more accurate portrayal of my inner self, my thoughts and feelings - how I will react to things in the my blatant, honest and naked self.

With that, I'm not saying that I'm being hypocritical in my real life, nor do I feign ignorance at times, and definitely I don't put on a false front all the time. Hey, I'm not an emo-kid yeah? I'm just a thinker, and a feeler. Somewhere caught in between. And I figured the way I deal with balancing these 2 ends of the spectrum is to be more of a thinker when I'm in the blogosphere and more a feeler when I'm in my contemplative real life. And when I'm with my friends? I'll try to just be myself and enjoy their company - laming around but once in a while engaging in more serious talks.

And to quote my dear alison again for the n-th time, just for those who might be confused how I can be lame and deep and engaging and serious and friendly and pensive all mish-mashed into one person:
Edmund is someone who's deep and that's who he is and his identity. Being lame is merely his part time job.
Boy do I love this quote. Thanks mydear :)

-----

And it's friday already! two more days [or shld I say one] to the Singapore Marathon 2008 AKA Stan Chart lah. Running half marathon this yr together with my dear sis and bro. So I'll be MIA-ing from church but should be heading down for the christmas rehearsal after my 21km >.< I do hope I still would be able to walk properly.

And it's nice to do something unhousewife-ly. I mean, it's 3 more days to my parents' return from Israel-Jordan and while I'm glad to be a househusband for the past week, I still can't wait to be rid of all these nagging chores >.< And I realised I don't like to iron clothes and I still haven't swept the floor yet. Still banking on sis' promise to sweep the house just before my parents are back. And I think I should give the kitchen floor a nice scrub lest my mum complains -.-

And I understand now why my mum always dun like to go out - it's not that she doesnt have friends to hang out with if she wants to, and it's not that she's totally too lazy to get her bum out of the house (think shopping at IMM and stuff), but it's just that she has to worry about whether there's enough water around for us to drink, whether she needs to boil another kettle of water, of whether the weather will suddenly change when she is out.

And for that, my dear mum, even though I'll still continue to use the word paranoid on you :P, I'm sure you know I love you a lot! *huggggs* =) =)

*and of course I hope my mum to know that I love her a lot but definitely I don't think it would be very.. comforting, if she's actually reading my blog >.<

13:04; The Pianist'

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

And I suddenly feel so... Inadequate and.. Insufficient.

Maybe I'm used to being the know-it-all and talk-it-all such that now when I don't get to smoke people as much it feels a lil' weird being more passive and dumb..

23:14; The Pianist'

Because..

we both feel at ease being around each other;
you put in effort to make things work and I put mine in too;
we both know how to respect each other's privacy and personal matters;
you adore your family and I love mine too;
we both understand the need for our own private social lives and time with other friends;
you can take things pretty easy and I am easy-going...

But worries are starting to grab me again, fears are clouding my vision once more and that uncanny paralysing rationality has already engulfed my mental and psychological state.

I so hate it when it happens 'cause there's really nothing much for me to emo about but when these grappling pangs strike again, it's just so impossible to suppress.

But I don't wanna find someone to rant it all out even though I know I'd feel better - just wanna deal with this myself, somehow. To kill off the rational side of me? Or to downplay such mental disturbances when I'm having the time of my life? Or maybe it's just simply I really don't wanna give a heck about it and so I don't want people to know, bother, or even ask about it.

And the nagging rational thought that always haunts me once in a while? So what's going to happen next year, how are things going to roll out in 9 more months? I know I really shouldn't be thinking that much; we'll just take one step at a time. But sometimes, I just can't help but think about the future - 9 more months, and then 4 years later.. And then there'll always be this voice screaming out to me - so what's the point of all these now if it's just gonna be over soon?

I know, I don't really want to think about it either. Sighs.

Wake me up when September ends.

As for now...?
Besame, besame mucho, Que tengo miedo a perderte, perderte despues

22:40; The Pianist'

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

love in actions..

Human beings need love. Be it small or big acts/words/expressions of love. It's something so fundamental to our instincts and needs that we crave for it.

But a lot of times, we don't have to wait for someone to tell us that he/she loves us before we know that's the case. It's in their thoughts, their actions and their way of doing things.

You don't need your dad to give you a pat on the shoulder and say you're their beloved son to know that he loves you enough to slog his guts out for the family.
You don't need your mum to give you a hug and say she loves you before you'd realise she loves you enough to wash the clothes, sweep the floor, worry about your meals and comfort.
You don't need your bf/gf to kiss you and say he/she loves you before you know that he/she loves you enough to bear with your unreasonable whines and moments of weakness.
You don't need your friend to write 'I love you' in his/her card to you to know that he/she loves you enough to even just bother about writing.

And indeed, many times it's not through speech or words that we can deeply feel the love from the other party, but the way he/she reacts to you.
It may be his/her willingness to accommodate you or to do things that are not typically him/her, his/her willingness to change certain ways of doing things or particular manner of speech, his/her thoughts about you to drop you an sms no matter how simple, or it may simply be the way he/she is when he/she's around you.

As for me, I need to learn how to appreciate people more when I recognise their love for me.

18:52; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

~ice dragon~
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano

theLOVE;

violin
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love

theWISH;

personalised room
~~keyboard~~
~~games~~
~~books~~
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson

theCHATTERBOX;

theESCAPES;

theHISTORY;

theCREDITS;

host: blogger
brushes : x
picture: x x
designer: Winter min