anyway, thanx to xun sua rach xingyan for tagging, following my post on 05s70..

you see, tt's the thing abt the class - the spontaneity of it all which i just can't simply find it anywhr else, not so in choir, not in army, not very much so in iloveegg and definitely not even in solomon knights.. i mean, thr's a difference between spontaneity and randomness, and thr's a significant albeit somewhat indistinguishable difference between spontaneity and last-minute..

note: sponaneity connotes without external causes

and i do agree with wat kokhou said yest - tt simply saying tt you miss a certain grp of ppl, or tt you cherish/treasure this certain grp of frens but not acting on it, not meeting up, not doing sth to show it or to bring the grp close tgt, is somewat pointless.. of coz it's not exactly pointless per se but, i do get wat he was trying to say..

now with tt said, it's pretty weird tt i probably spent my time most and usually only with solomon knights.. it's not tt i heck abt the others, it's just tt at the same time i ask myself.. so wat's gonna happen 20 30 yrs down the road? i look at my parents and see tt the few close frens they have are those they work with in church, or maybe they dun really have any close frens either.. does tt mean tt they didnt enjoy the company of their class back then? certainly not, considering how my mum always reminiscence abt her good ol' JC times.. and then i reckon tt perhaps i'm pretty much the same - i may miss all the times we had tgt with tt grp of frens but at the end of the day, maybe i alr knw tt 20 30 yrs down the road i'll still be spending my life at work, with my fam and my church?

perhaps it's coz my mindset matures really early, or perhaps it's the kind of family culture i'm brought up in.. although i am one who values my frenships a lot, i still know tt frens are just frens.. hm, dun exactly knw how to phrase wat i'm thinking but yeah, will just leave it as tt for now..

almost all the time i put church as priority number 1, even in terms of my frens and i guess tt's wat led me to turning down the many class gatherings organised this yr and last yr..

i dun blame anyone for anyth but only myself for not being able to handle and balance all these.. really, i duno how to balance my life.. i'll admit it, i'm a church-aholic.. give me church stuff to do anytime anywhr and i'll be most willing to tok abt it, discuss abt stuff.. and tt's why i have this over-possessiveness over church stuff and church peeps..

thr are times tt i also think tt the reason why i get all angry and frustrated over church ppl who choose their sch frens over church peeps is bcoz of jealousy..

yeahh thr you have it, edmund is a somewhat-selfish childish guy who gets jealous easily and tends towards over-possessiveness.. i'm not saying this out of spite, nor a random ramble, but it's pretty much my conclusion aft so many yrs and aft so many incidents happened which gave me an insight to myself..

still, with all tt said, i knw i'll still be biased towards solomon knights..

sometimes it does feel quite dumb to be frustrating myself over knights who dun seem to appreciate wat's gg on [and i knw i'm nt the only one to feel this way sometimes], as compared to my spontaneous 70 who.. ohwells, just look at the tagboard and i needn't say anyth more..

nahh this aint a post to garner support or sympathy or empathy or watever else.. it's just me trying to straighten up some thots in my mind but i guess it's pretty futile.. thr's so much in my mind yet i cant seem to pen them all down properly coz they just keep linking to other stuff which will be quite impossible to write everything down... rawrrrs..

ok i hate this.. i hate it when my post seems rambly or angsty or spiteful..

this post was pretty pointless..