thePIANIST

Friday, 20 June 2008

Crazy week, crazy mind

It's been a crazy two weeks - with lotsa stuff in army and out of army too.

Don't really want to blog about all the details coz that would be really pointless, so just wanna say that if there's anything I learnt in the past few weeks, it will have to be God will provide.

Indeed,
Jehovah Jireh, my provider, His grace is sufficient for me. My God shall supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory.
In His time, in His time, He makes all things beautiful in His time. Lord please show my everyday, as You're teaching me Your way, that You do just what You say, in Your time.
我靠着那加给我力量的，凡事都能做。行在主的旨意，我凡事都能做。

Hmm I used to treat army and church as 2 mutually exclusive events; well, to some extent that would be true. But the Lord hit me on my head and told me that perhaps I've been wrong all these while. Hmm, I know this probably sounds pretty incoherent and nonsensical but it's because I haven't really sorted out my thots on this yet - just wanted to pen it down somewhere lest I forget abt it.

Army stuff aside, been thinking through lots of church stuff. Nothing in particular to my work in tuanqi, but church in general - of friends and stuff.

Starting to feel nostalgic about things - especially since I know this year is my last in this tuanqi. Don't really wanna abt this now and in such an open domain. Perhaps all I wanna say is that knowing this yr is my last makes it a weird mix of feelings - an irrational combination of boldness and irresponsibility, the idiosyncratic nostalgia, the extra determination to put in my 100%, but more often than not, and more strongly than anything else, the sense of grief and loneliness derived from ... [and that would be sth I don't wanna talk about here]

I remember the first time I started spending more time with this guy - it was more of an elder brother looking after his lost brother, of just simply to offer my help should the need arise. And of coz I can't deny that I was, at the same time, looking for leaders in the near future. Well, definitely I can't say I groomed him since I really did nothing much, but now seeing the amt of opportunities and responsibilities he has, as well as the hopes ppl have of him, I'm not sure whether I have been fair to thrust him into the limelight, nor am I certain of whether I have done what the Lord wants to do through me.

That random ranting aside, that person was but the first, and just the other day, God has shown me that I shouldn't just keep thinking that I'm in a superior position and that they are at the receiving end - indeed, I realise I have much to learn from these younger ones as well.

Ahh ok, I think I've just got the answer - nope, the Lord is not yet done with me and my work in this particular aspect. I guess blogging's therapeutic - it helps me sort out my thoughts typing them out while thinking a whole lot in between.

Ahh and about my class - I feel really dry. I know my calling's in the youth ministry, but I have no idea how that fits in with my class. I still duno how things will be for my class - nothing from Him above yet. I had a few random ideas along the way but none seemed like what He wanted. Am I supposed to let go of my class, and play a smaller support role in terms of my class bonding and stuff, or do You want me to take up the helm and lead the class again?

There's some things I just wanna say to You, 'cos there is no one that loves me so.
Though tears may overwhelm me, I know You are there with me.
As day breaks Lord I wanna cry to You, 'cos Jesus I know you'll pull me through.
The strength that I need I receive every morning, Your grace is all I need.

I think I'm losing my drive. I think I need a vision.

恳求心中王成为我异象

22:16; The Pianist'

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