thePIANIST

Thursday, 11 December 2008

random brother-crave ramblings

And it just struck me so hard just now why I always craved for an elder brother. It's not because having two older brothers aint enough, or that they arent setting a good example for me; it's just that I've never been really close to either of them, though I know once in a while I can chat some stuff with my second bro and my eldest bro will be always more than willing to listen if I care to share, and I definitely appreciate the many efforts he makes into trying to chat me up here and there, to try to catch up once in a while here and there, but I guess, certain things once a habit, it's pretty hard to shake off..?

And I just crave for an elder brother who can be totally in sync with my life and can just let me feel comfortable and free to share my life and can understand what I'm going through and knows the kind of road and crossjunctions I may run into. And now standing at this point where university courses choices await, I find myself lacking in serious solid advice. Not that my parents ain't giving, nor my friends aren't providing; it's just that I need an elder bro - someone who's just been through it not too long ago and can tell me how to freaking spend my eight months productively and fulfillingly. And it seems like my eldest bro kinda fits this mould - JC, army, then wait for uni. But, his era was the time when commerce was the IN thing in JC. Yeah when there was still freaking commerce in the pre-u studies.

And I realised all my life I've been surviving without an elder brother looking out for me. Sure thing, my family's support's something I know I can always count on and something that's been pushing me on through the tough times, and the overwhelming love I always get showered with from all my friends, and the many many sacrifices various people made for me that I never knew of. But these things help you through the tough time - meaning that you're already hit head-on in the wave of such strife. What I'm craving for is someone there to look out for me and give me timely advice at the appropriate junctures and the significant milestones in my life.

I mean, I've had a few wrong turns in my life. Okay, maybe more than a few. Quite a fair share of my head banging against the wall, barking up the wrong tree, 误打误撞，ending up with a bump from my childhood life and more injuries in my adolescent years which I'm still coping. And in the process of it all, through all these learning, I've made wrong turns and back-tracked more than a few times. Sure, that's a great way to learn the various experiences but I know if I had an elder brother there for me to look up to all the time, things would have been different.

Things would so have been different. Maybe that's why I'm trying to play out that role to different people in my lives. Yet, there's this sense of apprehension in me that grips me and my heart just skips a beat, contemplating whether I'll be leading them down the wrong path more than helping them avoid it. No matter what people may say about me, or how I may think about myself, the cold hard truth just stands out so glaringly in all its naked glory - I'll never know till the future unravels and shows itself...

23:39; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

~ice dragon~
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano

theLOVE;

violin
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love

theWISH;

personalised room
~~keyboard~~
~~games~~
~~books~~
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson

theCHATTERBOX;

theESCAPES;

theHISTORY;

theCREDITS;

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