thePIANIST

Saturday, 27 December 2008

Rationality VS Emotionality

Through the past few years, esp the past 2, I've changed into a more rational person - sometimes my head ruling over my heart. Of course there are still times when I go by my heart, but instances of such are diminishing exponentially with the encroachment of the rational state of mind.

Nahh, this aint a post debating over which is better, or whether I'm resisting such a change or not. Well, of course if you ask me I would say it's better that now I am more a balanced character - not stuck in either extreme. Still, being still new to this whole delicate balancing act, I sometimes find myself stuck in hesitation and deliberation because I am able to see things from both sides so well. So when it comes to the crunch, and I need to make that all-important decision, I find myself in that indecisive nature, hence the ensuing battle between the mind and the heart.

In the past it was way easier, for such in-betweens don't persist, merely a fleeting cloud in the big wide sky - insignificant yet necessary, noticeable but perfunctory. The conflict between the angel and the devil lasts for merely that few moments, and I know I'll always end up following my heart.

But now that I've changed to be more balanced, I can't dismiss the rational thoughts anymore and they seem to come back haunting once in a while. So even when I find myself landed in the same situation as before, I am now incapable of making that decision. And it seriously sucks when you can't decide, when you're caught in that state of contemplation and incapable of making a decision. Even though in the past I may end up in the wrong path, and taking the road less traveled, but at the very least I could make a decision to end the agony of being suspended in air - albeit only to fall down hard to the ground. After all, I just had to let time work its way of slowly easing that pain. But the agony of being suspended in mid-air is one that cannot be removed unless a decision is made.

And I find myself in that undecisive moment, suspended for God knows how long.

23:53; The Pianist'

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