thePIANIST

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

A New Lunar Year

Been wanting to blog for a long time le. So many happenings, so many thoughts, so many things to process, so many emotions to live through, yet it seemed like things just didn't flow. Somehow. Probably one of the worst time to have my writer's block. Yet, the past week of various events and reflections have triggered so many thoughts that if I tried to pen them all down, it'll probably sound rambly at best. However, now that I've got my thoughts straightened out, I've really got to say that God makes everything fall into place perfectly in His time.

Been especially lagging in the 瞻望2009年 blog entry that I so totally wanted to work through. But after the past few days, God have shown me things that I've totally forgotten, and made me realise that my focus for the year should be readjusted. So, here we are now.

There was a Christian man, who married a non-Christian wife. Having been unfillial and unbecoming of his attitude and actions towards his parents when he was much younger, he thought that it finally came the time for him to atone for his mistakes - by having a baby so that his parents can enjoy being grandparents. He tried, and he tried, but after a year, his wife still failed to conceive. Consequently, he blamed his wife, and repeatedly accused her of having problems with her health such that it affected the possibility of getting pregnant. When his pastor found out about the whole issue, he called him aside one day and reprimanded him - that his rationale of having a baby is questionable and perhaps not the most appropriate because God may not will it that way; that he was being a bad testimony to his wife by grumbling about her state of health, and that his wife conceiving was not the top priority, but rather it was his wife's salvation. This man had placed his focus on the wrong thing.

Nope, the above is not an exaggerated anedcote to force my point through, nor is it an imaginary tale I cooked up from somewhere. It was a true sharing from a fellow brother-in-Christ who so openly shared this story about someone he personally knew.

I don't know what's your response to it - maybe it struck you as lame, as exceptional, whatever. To me, it was a slice through the heart. And coupled with the sermons I heard the past two days, it was a direct whack on the head. It was a very clear wake-up call from God.

Sermon on Sunday was about a blessed person. A blessed person is someone who is uniquely blessed by God, not someone who should use other people as benchmark for measuring the blessings they have been given, and also someone whose God's overflowing blessings pour out to touch, enrich and bless thouse around him as well.
Sermon today morning was something about prayer. What I took away was that we had to have faith and to pray, to pray that God would open our spiritual eyes to see things around us from His perspective. [c.f. 2Kings 6:8-23] v17: 'And Elisha prayed, "O Lord, open his eyes so he may see. Then the Lord opened his servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha" '

Back to the story of the man who was told he placed his focus on the wrong thing. Been having it on my mind the past 3 days now, and yes, I'm losing my focus. I misplaced my focus. And now I'm set on readjusting it back to what it should be.

For the past few months of my life, I've lost sight of God, of who I am, of what I'm given, and what I am doing. God has been sidelined to the outskirts of my inner world, my friends have been placed at a secondary consideration, and my personal desires, pleasures, enjoyments, fulfilments, simply myself have been placed at the centre of my life. Of course, some people do function that way but that's not me. And I know that. There was a period of time in life when I forced myself to put myself at the heart of everything, to be selfish and callous, to not bother about other people's feelings and to just keep to myself. It didn't work out well at all. Not one bit. It's not who I am, and it's definitely not what I enjoy doing, nor is that what I wanna become.

My strongest spiritual gift all these while - nope, it's not music - has been being able to relate to people, their feelings, their emotions and what they are going through. And that's idiosyncratic of my life, characteristic of who I am, and I figured, what God wants out of my life. Indeed, as a sister-in-Christ once made an impact on me unknowingly - 神向谁多给，神也会向谁多要。Having given me so abundantly in this aspect, I know I have to account for my deeds and doings to Him one day.

I've been pretty much concentrating on myself lately, choosing to focus on me doing things that I like, of leading a carefree unplanned life, of being without restrictions or commitments.. Not that desiring any of the above is wrong, but having such an airy-fairy [and almost heck-it-all] kind of life does influence me to think in that way. Thus, when I look back, I realise I no longer actively try to be there for people who matter, I no longer send out as many sms-es as I used to, I no longer bother much if people are not gonna value their church life, I no longer wanna make sacrifices as it will inconvenience myself, I no longer take the initiative to forge better and closer relationships with people...

Time to get myself back. For starters, I'm gonna assume a more planned exercise routine so that I don't switch my time/schedule on the impulse to convenience myself at the expense of other people. And then it's time to go back to my usual self of putting others before self. Of course, this point can be quite debatable but because I'm Edmund, because I liked the way I was in the past, because I know this is the way my life goes, yes, others before self. Of course, that's not to say blindly neglecting myself for others, to just lie on the floor for others to trample on as they wish. After all, my body's the temple of God so it's only right that I take care of myself as well. Well, just not to the extent of disallowing God to use me when He wills. And of course, just as two very special people remarked to me at similar occasions but years apart, I must know how to protect myself.

And to get God back as the priority in my life, it's back to frequent and consistent Quiet Time, coupled with fervent praying, topped off with reading the bible. Easily said than done of course, but I already have my plans for that. Thank God =)

The second main thing that I totally need to readjust my focus is praying and the salvation of my loved ones. Had lunch with my paternal relatives and dinner with my maternal relatives. It struck my so strongly for the first time in my life that I really need to pray for my grandparents' salvation. All these years my dad has told us to try to talk to our grandparents more and to weave in the topic of religion and church where possible, and also to keep praying for grandparents. I'll just be frank and say I never once did. And for so many years of my life, it never struck me as a pressing concern. Well, of course I KNOW it's important but it just never affected in my HEART. Yet, today a chord was tugging in my heart, that I really don't know when, if ever, these people that I love just so much would ever receive Jesus. And on Sunday's sermon, it totally struck me that I haven't been praying for this particular person about his salvation. And today it was my relatives. Random? Perhaps, but I would think not.

Dear Lord, please grant me the perseverence and the heart of compassion to keep praying for these people whom I love so much. Please help me in my prayers as well as to what I should pray for each and everyone of these people, and also the wisdom to know what to say in my conversations with them. More so, grant your timid servant the courage and strength to put into actions these words and thoughts which You have planted in his heart, that he would not be swayed by the promptings of the evil one, for You have given us not a heart of fear, but one of strength and power, as surrounded by Your love and grace so abundant. I thank You Lord for loving me so dearly and I just pray that You help me pour out these blessings and love to those around me, unreservedly and unashamedly. Once again, I ask for Your spirit to be with me and Your peace, Your strength, Your wisdom and simply Your presence. I thank You Lord. All these I pray in Jesus' most precious name. Amen.

01:39; The Pianist'

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