Thursday, 1 January 2009
Reviewing 2008 - stocktaking
And even before I start I've already got a feeling that this blog post will be a pretty long one. After all, it's gonna be a whole long year condensed into a single entry, exacerbated by my rambling tendencies.
It's been a long year, with many ups and downs - oh come on, which year isn't? But 2008 has been a year of various milestones and impactful events, a year of astounding affliction and exaggerated exasperation, a year of solitude and zen, a year of forging friendships peppered with disillusionment, jadedness and disappointment, yet also at times, amazement and gratefulness.
Army wise, it's been a long and fruitful journey I would say - what with CECC for the first three months being a construction worker, overlapping with the whole Mas Selamat frenzy and operation duties, followed by a brief reprieve before the whole buildup of exercises to the final evaluation exercise in Thailand in Aug.
CECC was fun for me, found it interesting to be learning road constructions, culvert constructions, drainage constructions, cement work and soil work. Was indeed tough and trying, with many conflicts amongst the platoon as well as between the guys and us commanders. There were times that I almost wanted to give up and even an entire week of dysfunctionality. And it was then that I realised that I was someone whose determination can be easily affected, especially when I became disillusioned with the things I was doing, disappointed and jaded 'cos of the way people are reacting as well as irritated and exasperated by the attitudes of people, which seemed incomprehensible and unimaginable. Yet it was something that I couldnt translate to my church friends, the incapability due to the emotional exhaustion suffered from Monday to Friday. What I needed on Saturdays and Sundays was just to know that people are there and bother about me, and the very last thing that was on my mind was to ramble the horrible past week and live through the emotional heart-wrench, or to further tire myself out. And it was then when I realised the care of those around me in camp, how people could also be affected by the way I was, and definitely was most grateful to kokhou for always being there to encourage me during the days in camp and spuring me on to trudge through each dreaded week.
Following that was the crazily scheduled mas selamat operations, screwing up my weekends and plans for church - the time when I truly felt alone and acted alone and become quite the loner because my schedule was not in sync with everyone's else, and I just spent my time out alone at home. It was a big headache for me when I couldnt get my plans through for tuanqi, when the passion was still so fired up strong in me but yet I couldn't do anything to realise the execution, merely being capable of apologising to stelly for not being able to pull off anything, and just spamming sms-es to ppl whenever I could. Yeap of course people are understanding of my predicament and the horribly messed up situation I was in, but it was then that I realised random fact #2: I'm the sort of guy who can really get so frustrated about not being able to have control over my own life and execute my plans that I can end up being on the other extreme, and simply just heck everything. And of course when you start to become missing from church, people do start to take notice but only that few gems out there will take action to understand what's wrong and subsequently to do sth about it. And I have to be really thankful that isaac was always there to accompany my late MSN nights, oblige to random dates, and do all the small things along the way that mattered so much.
So after the whole mas selamat saga died down a little, my guys and I started preparing for the Thailand trip in August - with all the routemarches, physical training, various crazy exercises, preparing of stores and checking of equipment. And I have to say that it didn't really help to see jingyuan and kokhou switch over to platoon 2, kinda throwing me all by myself in platoon3. Not like they had a choice though. It sure was daunting to suddenly take up the active role leading the platoon, making the many decisions that I had to crack my head over, or just to heck certain considerations and people, being labelled as the acting PS and have all sorts of situations/decisions conveniently thrown at me to handle. It was this period that also made me much closer to the platoon and Kevin too, but it was also this time that gave me great pain and headaches dealing with various people in the platoon. =\ But that said, sure gotta give thanks to God for putting Kevin with me to affirm the horrible decisions I had to make, to balance out the stressful days of the week and to do crazy things together. And not forgetting the few guys in the platoon who could always understand the decisions I had to make, even if it was most unpopular and it didnt seem to be beneficial or useful, sometimes even causing more work and worse duty schedules. The few guys who always trusted me enough to do things on my account, to follow my instructions just 'cos it's me, and to not question my capabilities 'cos they believed in me. To these few guys out there, you guys know who you are. :)
And of course, the many times of spending late nights talking cock with jingyuan, kokhou, kevin, kaihim, doing random things together and watching movies, and going on nights out, and all other sorts of things we did in the bunk - all will not be forgotten for a long time yeah..
-----
Church-wise, it's been a fulfilling year I guess, being the tuanzhang, leading worship night, and being a daoshi for youth camp.
Tuanzhang was an interesting post to be in - being able to plan out all the tuanqi prgs together with stelly, concocting weird ideas to try out once in a while, devising how to structure the prgs properly... Still, I guess what I'll regret most is not being able to translate more ideas/plans into action, not being able to encourage more people to see the importance of tuanqi, almost always starting late 'cos of various reasons, and even became bochap for a short period of time. Sadly, I can't seem to pen down what's the most fulfilling thing or what's the thing that I was most glad about. Nothing comes to mind, really. Okay just took a look at the prgs for the whole year - I guess what I would be most glad was to start the Stations Of The Cross thing, and also having a few song sharing sessions which people enjoyed, as well as for starting the trend/format for prayer meetings.
Solomon knights wise - yet another year of heartwrench, joys, hopes, disillusionment and exasperation. Seeing how people start to drift away here and there, seeing people value or not value the times spent together, Ahh the emotions of which are just too familiar. Yet perhaps the most happy times we had together probably was the time when we organised the christmas celebrations together in peixun, as well as the time spent together on 22Dec to celebrate our class birthday. The breakthrough of going to play sports together for once, and the sharing we had on that day was most comforting to say the least. Indeed, I guess the class has come a long way - from just saying hi-bye on Sundays, to having meals together everytime we are out, to now having K-box sessions and even badminton together, and definitely the most impt of all, the ability and willingness we all now have to share with each other the very bare and honest feelings we have, the struggles we might face in our lives and church. And then perhaps the most hurtful and disheartening issue is the whole fellowship saga. Let's just say that as the head of the fellowship, when you stand in front of the whole fellowship and make announcements, and you happen not to see a single soul of your class people, the feeling can be quite overwhelming. And the juxtaposition of being tuanzhang yet not being able to motivate my own class people to value fellowship, to come on Saturdays, killed my initial passion and drive pretty long time ago. Still, all in all, when I take a step back , I have to say I really thank God for putting me in this class, for giving me the friends I have in the class, for all the storms, hardships, joy, hopes that we've been through.
-----
As for my friendships, as with every year, there will be some who you get to know better, who become more dear and closer to heart, and some that drift away and you start to become more indifferent and non-chalant after some time. As for the details of who's who and what's what, I guess I'll just keep it to myself ba. To those whom I've started to drift away from, especially those few that were once held so dearly and closely to my heart, I just hope that you'll have better days ahead and continue to be the great people that you guys are, and I'll still be always here when called upon. And for those who have now become such a big part of my life whose absence is unimaginable, may we continue to build each other up as we embrace the new year together. :)
As for you who made me write on a piece of serviette, thanks for all the joy once again for doing things together, and at the same time, sorry for all the hurt and pain I've put you through, esp regarding the latest event. Yeap, last one standing for both of us and I'm thankful for the mutual understanding we have.
And as for you whom God has given a lot, thanks for the times spent together, random crazy things that we did and thought of, and at the same time, sorry for the horrible moods and times I've thrown and flung on you. Here's to both of us for the year ahead and to pick up the pieces, and walk prepared into this new year together.
And for you who made me go through so many first-times, thanks for the times spent, the love showered, the understanding and respect given, and at the same time, sorry for the so many changes I've made to your life and the rollercoaster ride I've made you go through. Shan't say much here but yeap, here's to us and the year ahead, one step at a time...
It's been a long year, with many ups and downs - oh come on, which year isn't? But 2008 has been a year of various milestones and impactful events, a year of astounding affliction and exaggerated exasperation, a year of solitude and zen, a year of forging friendships peppered with disillusionment, jadedness and disappointment, yet also at times, amazement and gratefulness.
Army wise, it's been a long and fruitful journey I would say - what with CECC for the first three months being a construction worker, overlapping with the whole Mas Selamat frenzy and operation duties, followed by a brief reprieve before the whole buildup of exercises to the final evaluation exercise in Thailand in Aug.
CECC was fun for me, found it interesting to be learning road constructions, culvert constructions, drainage constructions, cement work and soil work. Was indeed tough and trying, with many conflicts amongst the platoon as well as between the guys and us commanders. There were times that I almost wanted to give up and even an entire week of dysfunctionality. And it was then that I realised that I was someone whose determination can be easily affected, especially when I became disillusioned with the things I was doing, disappointed and jaded 'cos of the way people are reacting as well as irritated and exasperated by the attitudes of people, which seemed incomprehensible and unimaginable. Yet it was something that I couldnt translate to my church friends, the incapability due to the emotional exhaustion suffered from Monday to Friday. What I needed on Saturdays and Sundays was just to know that people are there and bother about me, and the very last thing that was on my mind was to ramble the horrible past week and live through the emotional heart-wrench, or to further tire myself out. And it was then when I realised the care of those around me in camp, how people could also be affected by the way I was, and definitely was most grateful to kokhou for always being there to encourage me during the days in camp and spuring me on to trudge through each dreaded week.
Following that was the crazily scheduled mas selamat operations, screwing up my weekends and plans for church - the time when I truly felt alone and acted alone and become quite the loner because my schedule was not in sync with everyone's else, and I just spent my time out alone at home. It was a big headache for me when I couldnt get my plans through for tuanqi, when the passion was still so fired up strong in me but yet I couldn't do anything to realise the execution, merely being capable of apologising to stelly for not being able to pull off anything, and just spamming sms-es to ppl whenever I could. Yeap of course people are understanding of my predicament and the horribly messed up situation I was in, but it was then that I realised random fact #2: I'm the sort of guy who can really get so frustrated about not being able to have control over my own life and execute my plans that I can end up being on the other extreme, and simply just heck everything. And of course when you start to become missing from church, people do start to take notice but only that few gems out there will take action to understand what's wrong and subsequently to do sth about it. And I have to be really thankful that isaac was always there to accompany my late MSN nights, oblige to random dates, and do all the small things along the way that mattered so much.
So after the whole mas selamat saga died down a little, my guys and I started preparing for the Thailand trip in August - with all the routemarches, physical training, various crazy exercises, preparing of stores and checking of equipment. And I have to say that it didn't really help to see jingyuan and kokhou switch over to platoon 2, kinda throwing me all by myself in platoon3. Not like they had a choice though. It sure was daunting to suddenly take up the active role leading the platoon, making the many decisions that I had to crack my head over, or just to heck certain considerations and people, being labelled as the acting PS and have all sorts of situations/decisions conveniently thrown at me to handle. It was this period that also made me much closer to the platoon and Kevin too, but it was also this time that gave me great pain and headaches dealing with various people in the platoon. =\ But that said, sure gotta give thanks to God for putting Kevin with me to affirm the horrible decisions I had to make, to balance out the stressful days of the week and to do crazy things together. And not forgetting the few guys in the platoon who could always understand the decisions I had to make, even if it was most unpopular and it didnt seem to be beneficial or useful, sometimes even causing more work and worse duty schedules. The few guys who always trusted me enough to do things on my account, to follow my instructions just 'cos it's me, and to not question my capabilities 'cos they believed in me. To these few guys out there, you guys know who you are. :)
And of course, the many times of spending late nights talking cock with jingyuan, kokhou, kevin, kaihim, doing random things together and watching movies, and going on nights out, and all other sorts of things we did in the bunk - all will not be forgotten for a long time yeah..
-----
Church-wise, it's been a fulfilling year I guess, being the tuanzhang, leading worship night, and being a daoshi for youth camp.
Tuanzhang was an interesting post to be in - being able to plan out all the tuanqi prgs together with stelly, concocting weird ideas to try out once in a while, devising how to structure the prgs properly... Still, I guess what I'll regret most is not being able to translate more ideas/plans into action, not being able to encourage more people to see the importance of tuanqi, almost always starting late 'cos of various reasons, and even became bochap for a short period of time. Sadly, I can't seem to pen down what's the most fulfilling thing or what's the thing that I was most glad about. Nothing comes to mind, really. Okay just took a look at the prgs for the whole year - I guess what I would be most glad was to start the Stations Of The Cross thing, and also having a few song sharing sessions which people enjoyed, as well as for starting the trend/format for prayer meetings.
Solomon knights wise - yet another year of heartwrench, joys, hopes, disillusionment and exasperation. Seeing how people start to drift away here and there, seeing people value or not value the times spent together, Ahh the emotions of which are just too familiar. Yet perhaps the most happy times we had together probably was the time when we organised the christmas celebrations together in peixun, as well as the time spent together on 22Dec to celebrate our class birthday. The breakthrough of going to play sports together for once, and the sharing we had on that day was most comforting to say the least. Indeed, I guess the class has come a long way - from just saying hi-bye on Sundays, to having meals together everytime we are out, to now having K-box sessions and even badminton together, and definitely the most impt of all, the ability and willingness we all now have to share with each other the very bare and honest feelings we have, the struggles we might face in our lives and church. And then perhaps the most hurtful and disheartening issue is the whole fellowship saga. Let's just say that as the head of the fellowship, when you stand in front of the whole fellowship and make announcements, and you happen not to see a single soul of your class people, the feeling can be quite overwhelming. And the juxtaposition of being tuanzhang yet not being able to motivate my own class people to value fellowship, to come on Saturdays, killed my initial passion and drive pretty long time ago. Still, all in all, when I take a step back , I have to say I really thank God for putting me in this class, for giving me the friends I have in the class, for all the storms, hardships, joy, hopes that we've been through.
-----
As for my friendships, as with every year, there will be some who you get to know better, who become more dear and closer to heart, and some that drift away and you start to become more indifferent and non-chalant after some time. As for the details of who's who and what's what, I guess I'll just keep it to myself ba. To those whom I've started to drift away from, especially those few that were once held so dearly and closely to my heart, I just hope that you'll have better days ahead and continue to be the great people that you guys are, and I'll still be always here when called upon. And for those who have now become such a big part of my life whose absence is unimaginable, may we continue to build each other up as we embrace the new year together. :)
As for you who made me write on a piece of serviette, thanks for all the joy once again for doing things together, and at the same time, sorry for all the hurt and pain I've put you through, esp regarding the latest event. Yeap, last one standing for both of us and I'm thankful for the mutual understanding we have.
And as for you whom God has given a lot, thanks for the times spent together, random crazy things that we did and thought of, and at the same time, sorry for the horrible moods and times I've thrown and flung on you. Here's to both of us for the year ahead and to pick up the pieces, and walk prepared into this new year together.
And for you who made me go through so many first-times, thanks for the times spent, the love showered, the understanding and respect given, and at the same time, sorry for the so many changes I've made to your life and the rollercoaster ride I've made you go through. Shan't say much here but yeap, here's to us and the year ahead, one step at a time...
20:25; The Pianist'
thePIANIST;
~ice dragon~
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
theLOVE;
violin
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love
theWISH;
personalised room
keyboard
games
books
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
theCHATTERBOX;
theESCAPES;
| 05S70 | Alfred | Andy Ng | Andy Paul Chen | Ben Teo | Ben Tan | Cheng Leng | Cherie | Chong Chen | Duo Jie | Eddie | Guan Han | Jeremy | Jun Hao | Kok Hong | Min Jie | Qu Kui | Samuel | Sean Leong | Shao Kai | Xin-ying | Xing Yan | Xun Yu | Yao Zhong | Yi Cheng | Ying Xia | Yu Shu | Zhi Yu |
~`church
| Adeline |
Grace Heah |
Grace Yam |
GUM |
iloveegg:) |
Isaac Lim |
Jeremy |
Jiaming |
Kenneth |
Quan Yong |
Sharon |
Solomon Knights =) |
Wenqi |
Xuemin |
Yineng |
Yingshan |
Yingshin |
ZhengYang |
~`others
| Brandon |
Choon Heng |
Isaac |
Jensen |
Jing Yuan |
Kai Him |
Kai Siang |
Lawrence |
Yoke Beng |
Zhi Xin |
theHISTORY;
theCREDITS;
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