thePIANIST

Saturday, 7 February 2009

keeping things open and honest

I guess one thing that I've come to appreciate is how I like to keep my relationships with people open and honest. Never liked beating around the bush; it gets tiring just going in circles.

And with all my closest friends, I always manage to keep it this way somehow - open, direct, frank and honest. And I'm glad it's both ways. =)

Just a day ago, I was thinking of keeping it all to myself, guessing that it's no use pouring everything out, only to affect the other person, contemplating to just let it all settle and blow over somehow, hoping that things will get better that way. Still, me being me, that side of me simply took control - that side of me which hates keeping things from those I love so dearly. And so it started, treading on uneven ground, gingerly tiptoeing lest I ruin something precious, and it reached that uncertain terrain, the insecure sinking sand. And even as I open my mouth to speak each sentence, I already was regretting even before the first words came out. It was like stepping on clouds - so fleeting and unsolid. And there it goes, the plunge through the mass of raindrops as my heart went to my mouth.

But, I'm glad I took that plunge. Made me see things in a different light. Used to like keeping myself on top of things, to have a grasp of the future somewhat, keeping myself above the clouds to see what's there beyond the sky, the plausible occurences light years away. And then now I find myself falling through this false sense of security, and my dreams disappear in a poof, like clouds so fluffily tangible, yet similarly so fluffily ungraspable. The plunge down to earth was scary, was unnerving, was distraughting. Yet, it was a necessary evil. A process so inhumane yet requisite.

And when I find myself standing firmly on the earth and looking up, my view of light years beyond are obscured by the clouds, clouded by that many uncertainties and insecurities. But, isn't that how life is supposed to be? Who's to say that things light years beyond are in a certain manner, fashioned in a particular way? Even things just a metre above the clouds are now remote and inconspicuous.

So what if I can no longer put my finger on things so far away; so what if I no longer be certain about things yet to come; so what if I'm insecure about things I have no control over? At least, now I'm standing firmly on the ground, and I'm guaranteed of my view up to the clouds, with the assurance of knowing full well what the clouds are made of.

And I know I'll always still be fortunate enough to have the company of my close loved ones. It's a growing up process where I mature and learn more about myself, discover the traits of others, undergo changes myself, see how I influence people, and most importantly, to be able to walk through it all with these people I so adore.

And through it all, at the end of the day, it's just that which matters isn't it?

00:55; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

~ice dragon~
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano

theLOVE;

violin
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love

theWISH;

personalised room
~~keyboard~~
~~games~~
~~books~~
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson

theCHATTERBOX;

theESCAPES;

theHISTORY;

theCREDITS;

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