thePIANIST

Sunday, 22 February 2009

Zen, in His time too..

Zen. That simple yet intricate feeling of blessedness and peace.

Been a long time since I had such a deep sense of it. Somehow even when you seem to be doing things on your own accord, yet in the bigger picture, in that bigger sense of the jigsaw puzzle world God has in mind, everything just ties in that nicely and seamlessly. And I never fail to be amazed by it.

The choice of not going to tuanqi for once, the choice of going by my gut feeling, the eventual thoughts that came to mind from nowhere, the eventual conversation I had - and I thought it ended there when I felt that inexplicable 'zen' and the reassurance I got from it all yesterday.

And then I went to church as per normal, and it has been a long time since I last had such a strong 'zen' in that song - not because I was emo and I found comfort, not because I was shouting out with joy; it was simply that simple I'm-a-child-of-God feeling that so overwhelmed me. And subsequently after service when I was approached to help, even though I just did what I could and be myself, and it seemed just normal to have done what I did, but I realised on the way back just now that had I not settled down my feelings yesterday, had I remained in the angsty or pensive or sub-normal mood yesterday, I would have behaved in a much different way today, and possibly I wouldn't be approached.

And, that's how once again I see God's working in everything, for everything falls into place so flawlessly. Even though on the surface it might seem pretty uneventful and perhaps even routine-normal, yet deep inside me, I know that if not for yesterday, today would have been a total different outcome.

And indeed, as someone said, it's my past 17 years that have shaped me, impacted me, moulded me, and trained me into who I am today. And for that, I have my family and friends to thank. And as for finding that courage and confidence to be myself, to have faith in myself and just be comfortable with who I am, I'll look inside myself and smile, and I know I'm thankful to the Lord for putting people in my life - those special people who have impacted me that much. =)

22:14; The Pianist'

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