thePIANIST

Monday, 3 August 2009

confused apprehensive anticipating 030809

Just done with first day of matriculation week today; with the inauguration ceremony, as my eldest brother puts it, I'm now officially an undergrad.

And I really wonder if I did the right thing matriculating into the faculty of law. That all-familiar sense of insecurity coupled with some sense of awkwardness resulted in a panic attack just now. Well, just a small one, thankfully.

I wondered about whether I could and would step out of my comfort zone and be of some contribution to tutorial discussions, wondered if I would really bring myself to actively voice out my opinions, wondered if I would ever survive a moot, wondered if I would break down when I find my facade being brutally torn apart and ruthlessly judged, and the best of it all? I find myself the only one subconsiously weaving in chinese phrases and expressions into conversation, and then auto-truncating myself when I find myself on the verge of blurting out a chinese phrase, and constantly reminding myself to switch to channel 5.

Bleahs, I lost the mood to type about it. But I'll just leave my thoughts as they are, and hopefully I'll be fine after some time. No matter what, I'll still do my best in whatever I can, and give it my best shot and see how God leads...

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And I realise I'm really not all that keen to get into a relationship; and I thought I was craving for one. As much as I really desire the warmth and joy and bliss that being in love brings, I equally dread the process of courtship, of dating, and spending time and much effort to maintain and keep the relationship going. And then I realised I love my friends, yet I bitch about them sometimes; I appreciate their care and concern, yet I get tired of questions; I want my friends, yet am equally non-chalant in maintaining the friendship.

Sometimes, I really wonder who and what I am, and if I really understand even a fraction of myself.

And now I'll say it, I'm confused over so many things and I can only pray that I find a way out soon.

22:02; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

~ice dragon~
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano

theLOVE;

violin
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
friends
love

theWISH;

personalised room
~~keyboard~~
~~games~~
~~books~~
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson

theCHATTERBOX;

theESCAPES;

theHISTORY;

theCREDITS;

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