I actually wanted to write a blogpost and ramble on about my thoughts about certain things. And then I realised that I always pop by here when I need to clear my thoughts, or when I feel like expressing myself but I don't feel like picking up the phone to call someone, or when I'm not too sure who I should call, or when I feel like I just need to pour everything out one-way and so I don't want to have someone being silent over the phone with occasional 'mm' and 'mhmmm' and 'orh' etc. And as I was contemplating starting a post, I recalled what my friend told me once about how writing things out helps to clear your thoughts and actually is good for emotional well-being, and then I recalled the show that I watched during youth camp last year - Letters To God. And so, I decided to write one to you today.

I guess writing with someone in mind makes it much easier to ramble, probably because being social is one of the characteristics of Man and of Yourself too. Well, at least I don't have to craft my post in a way that makes it formal since it's just a letter to a friend.

You know, I'm sure you do, it's not been an easy journey thus far, but I really wanna thank You for everything that You have given to me. Yes, through it all, now standing here where I am, I can look back and confidently and proudly say that I am immensely thankful for everything You have given to me. And the providence that You had for me. Yet, at the same time, I know that when something unpleasant comes my way, I would instinctively ask You why You gave those to me. I only pray that You'll always constantly remind me that You have a plan for everything.

Ah and that reminds me. The other day I was chatting with wanjie and topic of religion and logic and rationality popped up. And that reminded me of the conversations I had with some people. You know how we always remind one another to have faith in You, and that no matter what You'll always be with us and be in charge of the circumstances? But at the end of the day, no matter how logical or rational the argument flows, the last step still involves the irrational bit of really trusting that whatever You promised is true. Yeah I guess we can say that rationally, given the past experiences of other people or even of that individual, the rational conclusion to draw is that such promises are indeed true. But I think on another level, some people think that there's no logic in believing that whatever You promised come true. Not too sure what the case is, but I always thought that religion involved some form of irrationality.

Anyhow, I rambled too much. Why I wrote a letter to You today is not to ramble about the above. I was just thinking about some stuff that's been going-on and some incidents that happened which I get to know of. I think by now You already have many people coming to You and asking how You can be a fair God if so many unpleasant things happen. Well, I never said that to You but I think I may not be too dissimilar - in the sense that I always wonder WHY certain things happen? Yeah I don't mean to say you're not fair, but I really just wonder why some things happen, and I just feel that it's really horrible to have those things?

It's like, why should my friend be made to go through that? I'm not too sure, but I know you have a plan. But I really find it tiring or even defeating at times, where my friend does everything he can in hope of a better outcome, and I try to help him along to try to achieve what's best for everybody. But then the situation turns out to be some other way. You know, it's like, we've already done what we could, so what more could we do? If circumstances always turn out this way, it's really crazy. I mean, if it's once or twice, or even occasionally, I think I'm cool with it. But seriously, if it happens all the time?! When we plan to the best that we can and try to do all that we can, circumstances just come along and destroy, in a matter of seconds, all that we have been striving for! Yes, such incidents serve to remind me and teach me that everything is ultimately in Your hands. But if everytime it happens, surely there must be something more to it? Are You trying to tell me something? Are You hinting to me that this just isn't meant to be?Are You using all these to show me something, to make a point? I really don't know. And I've been asking ever since. I know, I may not have an answer anytime soon. But I just thought that I really just want to write to You?

Nah, this is not a sign of rebellion or discontent, but I'm really just afraid that I'll get tired real soon. Is this what You're trying to tell me though? Hmmmm? Okok just writing to let You know yeah? Just needed to get this off my chest for now. Alrights, I've got to head back to studying. Please help me along with it okay? Thanks a million.

Hope to hear from You soon.

Love,

Ed