Sunday, 4 August 2019
連
22:34; The Pianist'
Friday, 26 February 2016
Muse
It's been a while since,
I came back to my own
soliloquy.
May I have the calmness to think,
the courage to accept my own
character.
I came back to my own
soliloquy.
May I have the calmness to think,
the courage to accept my own
character.
00:07; The Pianist'
Thursday, 7 May 2015
累
累。。就永远睡吧。。
Labels: chinese, growing up, mundane, rambling
21:33; The Pianist'
Monday, 16 March 2015
人之常情
From the surface, at first blush, one can never really tell what goes on in a person's life - what that serious expression is hiding, what that smile is masking, what that blank look is suppressing.
The pains, the wrongs, the accusations...
想要的难道不都是那一点点的认可, 微微的了解, 稍稍的挂念。。。淡淡的情意?
人与人之间所存有的真挚人情,温馨联系。。。
其实, 只是想知道自己不是一个人单独作战。
人, 就是那么的脆弱。
人,也可以是那么的坚强。
一线之差, 可能就位于人之人情。
The pains, the wrongs, the accusations...
想要的难道不都是那一点点的认可, 微微的了解, 稍稍的挂念。。。淡淡的情意?
人与人之间所存有的真挚人情,温馨联系。。。
其实, 只是想知道自己不是一个人单独作战。
人, 就是那么的脆弱。
人,也可以是那么的坚强。
一线之差, 可能就位于人之人情。
22:15; The Pianist'
Friday, 17 October 2014
A talk.
And then something within me bled. And died.
Labels: rambling
22:43; The Pianist'
Sunday, 25 May 2014
Tinder
About 70 months ago, someone warned me not to play with fire. I thought I learnt my lesson.
Maybe I did, since the fire now is a different kind. But, I'm not sure I can - or rather, want to - control it...
Maybe I did, since the fire now is a different kind. But, I'm not sure I can - or rather, want to - control it...
22:53; The Pianist'
Thursday, 22 May 2014
Connections
If you don't expose the valence electrons, how can you form meaningful, lasting connections?
Sometimes you transfer them to form ionic bonds, sometimes you share them to form covalent bonds, sometimes you donate then to form dative bonds.
Sometimes it's NaCl, sometimes it's H-O-H. Or it can even be (CH3)-O-H. At the end of it all, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Different compounds are just formed differrntly with different types of interactions and connections.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me...
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide...
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.
Sometimes you transfer them to form ionic bonds, sometimes you share them to form covalent bonds, sometimes you donate then to form dative bonds.
Sometimes it's NaCl, sometimes it's H-O-H. Or it can even be (CH3)-O-H. At the end of it all, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Different compounds are just formed differrntly with different types of interactions and connections.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me...
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide...
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.
Labels: exposition, growing up, rambling, writings
01:12; The Pianist'
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Memories of a dear friend
Was just mindlessly surfing on facebook and came across a friend being tagged in his friend's post. Or should I say, a late friend - someone who has already gone from this world. And so I was surprised to see that people still tag him, or post on his page.
And I decided to take a quick look at his fb page, and realised that his family members and loved ones still regularly post on his wall, tag him in photos and even videos.
And I noticed his profile pic on facebook - that classic smile. The smile that was on his face even when he could not move on his own and was confined to his own room. The smile that was on his face when I visited him and he said he decided to make use of his time by reading books and self-study. The smile which he had since I knew him in Secondary school.
Rest in peace, Melvin. It was great having you as a friend sitting in the same row for 2 years in secondary school. For the geeky maths talk we had. And it was an honour knowing you - a warrior who never gave up in the fight for health, in the face of circumstances which most people would have given up way earlier before you.
And, thank you, for reminding me today that there's always things that we can choose to do with our lives, no matter what the circumstances.
And I decided to take a quick look at his fb page, and realised that his family members and loved ones still regularly post on his wall, tag him in photos and even videos.
And I noticed his profile pic on facebook - that classic smile. The smile that was on his face even when he could not move on his own and was confined to his own room. The smile that was on his face when I visited him and he said he decided to make use of his time by reading books and self-study. The smile which he had since I knew him in Secondary school.
Rest in peace, Melvin. It was great having you as a friend sitting in the same row for 2 years in secondary school. For the geeky maths talk we had. And it was an honour knowing you - a warrior who never gave up in the fight for health, in the face of circumstances which most people would have given up way earlier before you.
And, thank you, for reminding me today that there's always things that we can choose to do with our lives, no matter what the circumstances.
Labels: friends, growing up, rambling
01:56; The Pianist'
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
Breakdown
And then the beast slowly creeps out and consumes from the inside out. Until it becomes uncontainable, and it leashes out in full bloom, forever making its mark as the Prince of Evil, condemned ultimately to hell, but not before tearing apart everything in its path.
Labels: rambling
01:12; The Pianist'
Wednesday, 1 May 2013
为什么？
03:02; The Pianist'
Friday, 22 February 2013
?
If you don't even understand yourself, how do you expect others to understand you?
Labels: rambling
00:05; The Pianist'
Thursday, 8 November 2012
Brief respite (?)
Done with presentation yesterday, one more to go for tomorrow. And then it's Research Paper due next Friday. I ought to be more gan jiong in chionging my RP, but somehow I'm feeling a sense of zen. An inexplicable sense of... peace?
It's like I can sit there and watch time slip by - a luxury I have not had for the past few weeks. Yet I know, once I head to sleep (soon) and wake up, it's madness rush again.
So for now, I'll just take a deep breath or two. Non-cognitively zen, yet cognitively still a bit of disturbance. It's pretty strange I must say.
It's like I can sit there and watch time slip by - a luxury I have not had for the past few weeks. Yet I know, once I head to sleep (soon) and wake up, it's madness rush again.
So for now, I'll just take a deep breath or two. Non-cognitively zen, yet cognitively still a bit of disturbance. It's pretty strange I must say.
22:39; The Pianist'
Thursday, 11 October 2012
-
Amazingly ridiculous I don't even understand.
And that's when you block everything out, and just push yourself on. 'cos it seems like that's the only thing left to do.
And that's when you block everything out, and just push yourself on. 'cos it seems like that's the only thing left to do.
21:21; The Pianist'
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
感慨
Tired. But still gotta press on.
No one can blame someone else for whatever happens in his/her life. We all take charge of our life and are solely responsible for it. It's not as if someone tied/chained you to a chair such that you had no freedom at all.
Gotta take charge of your own life. I gotta be responsible for my decisions and choices.
如果做人跟写“人”一样容易，那该多好。
No one can blame someone else for whatever happens in his/her life. We all take charge of our life and are solely responsible for it. It's not as if someone tied/chained you to a chair such that you had no freedom at all.
Gotta take charge of your own life. I gotta be responsible for my decisions and choices.
如果做人跟写“人”一样容易，那该多好。
05:19; The Pianist'
Monday, 1 October 2012
搞什么嘛
搞什么嘛。一个礼拜就这样过去了。
读也读不好，休息也休不了。结果到头来还不是这样？
满脑子杂乱，又不能安定心情。浮现的画面，模糊的概念。哪知怎么办？
说，也不知道该说什么。
讲，也不知道该怎么讲。
逃，也不知道该往哪儿去。
想，也不知道该如何呢？
哎，搞什么嘛。神真的是太幽默了。
读也读不好，休息也休不了。结果到头来还不是这样？
满脑子杂乱，又不能安定心情。浮现的画面，模糊的概念。哪知怎么办？
说，也不知道该说什么。
讲，也不知道该怎么讲。
逃，也不知道该往哪儿去。
想，也不知道该如何呢？
哎，搞什么嘛。神真的是太幽默了。
12:51; The Pianist'
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
*
这个星期一直参加朋友们的毕业典礼。那么快，自己已经完成了大学旅途的三年。再多一年就轮到我穿上毕业袍，拍毕业照，告别大学的阶段。
毕业后，我要做什么呢？慢些。。。现在，我要做什么呢？我在作什么呢？人生二十四年，就这样漂着，飘着。。。二十四年后，当我回转，回头望的时候，我会想起的是什么？我会记得的是什么？
只求的，还不是一个清楚的方向？
这。。。这条路怎么走？
毕业后，我要做什么呢？慢些。。。现在，我要做什么呢？我在作什么呢？人生二十四年，就这样漂着，飘着。。。二十四年后，当我回转，回头望的时候，我会想起的是什么？我会记得的是什么？
只求的，还不是一个清楚的方向？
这。。。这条路怎么走？
16:10; The Pianist'
Friday, 18 May 2012
Does it matter?
Does it matter if you get into the mood of inspiration before embarking on a piece composition?
Does it matter if you see the bigger picture before you go into the future?
Does it matter to have the heart before you start?
Does it matter how you really feel before you are thrown into the open field?
Does it matter how prepared you are before you head out and drive the car?
Does it matter if you are uncertain about your next turn?
Does it matter where you're headed toward if you're not going forward?
Does it matter where in life you'll be if you know that's really not "me"?
Does it matter how lead your life if all you have is just a knife?
Does it matter? Sure it does.
But nobody else gives a damn.
Does it matter if you see the bigger picture before you go into the future?
Does it matter to have the heart before you start?
Does it matter how you really feel before you are thrown into the open field?
Does it matter how prepared you are before you head out and drive the car?
Does it matter if you are uncertain about your next turn?
Does it matter where you're headed toward if you're not going forward?
Does it matter where in life you'll be if you know that's really not "me"?
Does it matter how lead your life if all you have is just a knife?
Does it matter? Sure it does.
But nobody else gives a damn.
Labels: growing up, poem, rambling, writings
01:04; The Pianist'
Saturday, 11 February 2012
Staying positive
Staying positive has always been something I admire a lot in others. There are those who seem indomitable no matter what comes - they just face it with a smile, a positive attitude, and face it head on.
It's also something that I try to do a lot, because I realise that it makes life so much easier to handle. I guess it's also partially due to my liking for rationalising things away.
When 5 people turn up for choir practice, I tell myself: I'm thankful that there are 5, and they are committed to what they are in for. And at least 7 of them have informed me that they can't make it.
When 3 people turn up for fellowship, I tell myself: I'm thankful that there are 3, and they still continue to come despite the numbers. And seeing them enjoy and taking away something makes whatever i do all the more worthwhile. I remember an elder telling me before that when he was young, he was the only one at the bible school and his teacher really didn't want to teach. But he asked the teacher to not deprive him of his chance to learn. 哪怕只有一个人，只要对他有帮助、有影响，我也是不可以停止或放弃。
When someone from fellowship tells me that she finds the activities really boring and she really doesn't want to come and can't wait to get out of it, I tell myself: I'm thankful that at least she still is committed to come regularly. Also, I'm thankful that she is comfortable enough to speak her mind and be totally frank with me. Moreover, at least there is some feedback so that I know what I can work on.
When I see the sec 1 class and feel overwhelmed by their many very different characters, I tell myself: I thank God for the chance to learn the lesson of patience. And the knowledge that they are still in the process of growing up and that I am able to change their lives and make a positive impact on them, encourages and inspires me to press on.
When I see a girl giving me attitude, tests my patience, and stretching my limit, I tell myself: I am heartened to know that on the surface she may seem brusque, but deep inside I sense that touch of dedication and goodness, and I believe that one day she will turn out just fine.
When I go overseas and my flight is delayed and I am at risk of missing my scheduled train ride, I tell myself: there is still that chance that I might just be able to make it, though it really will be a mad rush. If in the event I really do miss it, I'll just have to forfeit the money already paid and get a new ticket. But at least I am still safe and sound. (thank God I still managed to make it in the end)
When I get my results at the end of a semester and they are not as what I had hoped or expected, I tell myself: I'm thankful that I still passed, and it really could have been worse.
When I am due for presentation and I feel less than prepared, I tell myself: it'll be just fine, I'll just go and present whatever I know and have prepared and if there's any question that I can't answer or react, I'll just have to think of an answer on the spot.
And I always tell myself to look at the bright side of things, to see that things are often not as catastrophic as I can make them out to be. And this has served me well in life. Indeed, that's how I sail through life without too much of an emotional turmoil.
Yet, in every one of us, there is something that we are less adept at handling - an aspect of our lives that we find a tad more challenging to have it under control. And there, I realise, is where the balancing comes. I'm not one of those forever-positive forever-smiling kind of person. And I realised that staying positive can be quite a tiring thing which requires quite a bit of my energy. As humans are limited, the amount of energy spent on staying positive in those areas of my life draws on some other area/s of my life. And there is this particular emotional aspect inside me that seems void of positivity. Perhaps I have taken too much to put on the outside, to make sure I stay positive when I engage with others. And when I look inside at myself, whenever it comes to an evaluation of my abilities and skills, the negative energy overwhelms because there is no more energy nor positivity left. The negativity consumes me the moment the pandora's box is opened.
And that's how it suddenly struck me - that sudden breathlessness, as though some form of panic attack was initiated inside me, in the deep recesses of my heart. Because when it comes to matters like this, I just spiral down into extreme negativity, and doubting myself becomes the norm. And then the helplessness. And then I try to find an outlet to vent.
I hate it.
23:58; The Pianist'
Friday, 3 February 2012
怎么了
去年十月的文章，发现其实它所描述的，怎么越来越经常了呢？
“不知不觉中，已来到了十月中。不对，不应该是不知不觉。其实就一直知道时间就是过得那么的快，那么的匆促。或许是因为刚忙完了二哥的婚礼，又或许是因为刚忙完了两个作业，不知怎么的，就突然有一种不可形容的疲惫。可能是心灵上的累，反正就是什么都不想做，不想管。原本应该是准备明天的课，但就打不起精神来。
想睡觉吗？不完全是。想找人聊聊吗？也不太确定。可能是两个星期连续的一直在赶，一直在冲，所以现在只想坐着，什么都不作，就任时间流逝。尽管如此，其实自己也很清楚，脑子现在都还是满的，不是在为明天的功课准备着急，就是在为明天的事而计划，要不就是在为现在的‘闲着’而感到内疚。当然知道时间是宝贵的，但其实只想坐着-没有为任何期限担心，没有为任何计划而懊恼，没有需要做出任何的反应。或许这就是最真实的我：完全不去想、完全不去感觉。真的是这样吗？”
是一种麻木吗？还是万分的疲惫？难道是成长的过程？还是自己处理事情的方式？
那么快，眼看在少过一年半载就要毕业了。我要的是什么？我要的事业是怎样的？我要的生命是如何的呢？思考归思考，直到我不能在这个时候垮。但，若不是现在，在以后不是更加不可以？七年前已有过一次，事后且答应不会再有。那现在又是什么了？是因为成长了，经过的事情不一样了，因而需要在做一些的调整？亦或是因为我总是把事情想得太复杂化了？我也不想啊，但如果性格是如此，似乎我只好想办法应付，或是。。。
不想害到别人，也不想造成任何的伤害。但，我该怎么呢？就继续藏住吗？或是说出来，沟通讨论呢？但是又害怕会引起不好的后果，所以宁愿就这样下去。
但，这是办法吗？
Labels: chinese, growing up, rambling
17:00; The Pianist'
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
What's in a child?
Was on the bus home just now and saw this little baby in the stroller. And I thought to myself: it would be nice to have my own kid; I think I'll make a good dad.
And then I quickly asked myself why I wanted to have a kid. That brings me to the broader question of why do people want to have children?
Is it because we want to make sure that there is someone who will provide for us and take care of us when we are old?
Is it because we want to experience the 'joy of parenting' which the world tells us is one beyond words?
Is it because we love kids?
Is it because we want to exert some form of control over someone else's life?
Is it because we want to make sure there'll always be someone who will remember us after we die?
Is it because we want to (or we have to) carry on the family line?
Is it because we think that we'll make a better parent than some others?
Is it because we think that we'll make a good parent?
Is it because we just want to have sex and babies are a (not necessarily bad) by-product?
Is it because we want to inject some new element into our relationship?
Is it because we finally feel ready to have a child? And that still begs the question: why do you want to have a child?
Is it because that is the way society works?
Is it because that's the example we learn from our parents?
Is it because that's supposedly what we are supposed to do (after marriage)?
And then it struck me that from my limited generation of reasons/ideas above, they generally fall into 2 categories: (1) selfish reasons; or (2) societal norms.
(1) - hardly can we say that we want children because of some altruistic reason (well, of course if you think that satisfying your gramps' or your parents' wishes is altruistic then fine by me)
(2) - sometimes we don't really think much about it, because having children is just 'the way things go', or to quote someone from the previous generation: '如果你不生孩子，那你结婚来做什么？' (of course that goes into the topic of marriage, which isn't quite the topic here today)
I'm not saying that it's wrong to have kids, nor is either of the categories above wrong. I'm just pausing to reflect on why people actually want to have kids. Then of course there are those who fall into neither - I don't really bother whether I have kids or not, so if it comes then it comes.
All that said, either way, the child never ever gets to choose to be born (or not). I didn't choose to come into this world. That decision was made for me by my parents. And on that note, to those parents out there - if you decided to have a child, no matter how the child turns out, you are the one responsible for the child. And to those who love to lament '早知道就不把你生下来', too bad man, don't blame the child. You decided to have the child, so if you regret it, don't blame it on the kid. He's the most innocent one. In some sense, he's even the victim of your decision.
Nonetheless, that doesn't give us (as children) the reason to blame everything back on the lack of choice in coming into this world. Let's face it: none of us had that choice. So deal with it. Yes the world's unfair - no one ever tried convincing the world otherwise. If you wanna wallow in your the-world's-unfair pathetic state and get stuck in that rut, it's time to get your act together and live life like a man (or a woman).
*Really rambly thoughts today. Feels good typing without an essay question or word limit or restriction or academic grading in mind.
Labels: exposition, rambling, writings
22:04; The Pianist'
thePIANIST;
~ice dragon~
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
edmund
twenty one
phpps tchs hci nus
bmt-b sispec-g eti-ep
npcc choir
piano
theLOVE;
violin
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
lit
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love
saxaphone
jazz
spiritual revival.renewal
books
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friends
love
theWISH;
personalised room
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games
books
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
love
guitar lesson
jazz piano lesson
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