Labels: chinese, growing up, mundane, rambling

Labels: exposition, friends, growing up, love, prose, writings

Labels: exposition, growing up, rambling, writings

Labels: friends, growing up, rambling

Labels: growing up, poem, rambling, writings

去年十月的文章，发现其实它所描述的，怎么越来越经常了呢？

“不知不觉中，已来到了十月中。不对，不应该是不知不觉。其实就一直知道时间就是过得那么的快，那么的匆促。或许是因为刚忙完了二哥的婚礼，又或许是因为刚忙完了两个作业，不知怎么的，就突然有一种不可形容的疲惫。可能是心灵上的累，反正就是什么都不想做，不想管。原本应该是准备明天的课，但就打不起精神来。

想睡觉吗？不完全是。想找人聊聊吗？也不太确定。可能是两个星期连续的一直在赶，一直在冲，所以现在只想坐着，什么都不作，就任时间流逝。尽管如此，其实自己也很清楚，脑子现在都还是满的，不是在为明天的功课准备着急，就是在为明天的事而计划，要不就是在为现在的‘闲着’而感到内疚。当然知道时间是宝贵的，但其实只想坐着-没有为任何期限担心，没有为任何计划而懊恼，没有需要做出任何的反应。或许这就是最真实的我：完全不去想、完全不去感觉。真的是这样吗？”

是一种麻木吗？还是万分的疲惫？难道是成长的过程？还是自己处理事情的方式？

那么快，眼看在少过一年半载就要毕业了。我要的是什么？我要的事业是怎样的？我要的生命是如何的呢？思考归思考，直到我不能在这个时候垮。但，若不是现在，在以后不是更加不可以？七年前已有过一次，事后且答应不会再有。那现在又是什么了？是因为成长了，经过的事情不一样了，因而需要在做一些的调整？亦或是因为我总是把事情想得太复杂化了？我也不想啊，但如果性格是如此，似乎我只好想办法应付，或是。。。

不想害到别人，也不想造成任何的伤害。但，我该怎么呢？就继续藏住吗？或是说出来，沟通讨论呢？但是又害怕会引起不好的后果，所以宁愿就这样下去。

但，这是办法吗？

Labels: chinese, growing up, rambling

Labels: growing up, rambling

Labels: growing up, mundane, music, rambling

I guess some things just come with age. Maybe they grow and sprout because of some belated turning on of some gene; maybe with the onset of age, you start to be more receptive of things; maybe with age comes exposure and with that, you become more open-minded to things. Whatever the case, I find myself increasingly tolerant of kids.

I start to realize that indeed, all that kids want is to have fun – generally harmless fun. Save for the occasional malicious ones (think Edmund Hooper in King of the Castle), the innate desire of a kid would be to enjoy himself. Given, an equally compelling craving of a kid would be love and affection (and attention). I’m not too sure what’s going on in me for this pretty big change. But the moment I found the kids really adorable on Children’s Sunday last month, I knew I was in for it. Oh wells. Sometimes change just strikes you when you don’t even know it.

And as I took some time to think back and reflect on what brought about this change, I decided that it’s a combination of internal and external factors. How expected and politically correct. Anyhows, internal factor first. I would think that it’s that age where thoughts of having a life-long companion, a family, a house etc seem to come naturally.

As for the external factors, I think it’s after more interactions and exposure to different perspectives that I have come to be more receptive of alternative considerations. One interesting note, it’s not the first time I have been presented with alternative viewpoints but in the past there is that strong resistance against acknowledging that kids can be so adorable. In the absence of any logical explanation, I therefore would say that the softening of an otherwise hard-line stand is likely to be attributed to age.

Talking to people, listening to their childhood experiences, contemplating how childhood should be like, I find myself convinced by these people. I guess my own childhood experience heavily coloured the way I look at things, which is not surprising because we are always subjected to our pre-conceived notions which are invariably a corollary to our personal experiences.

Well, what can I say? I never fail to be amazed at the changes that undergo in my life, whether intentional or otherwise. To quote a friend, life is a heck of an adventure.

Labels: growing up, writings

Labels: exposition, growing up, prose, writings